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Literary Lapses
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Stephen Leacock
1
LITERARY
LAPSES
By
Stephen
Leacock
CONTENTS
MY
FINANCIAL
CAREER
LORD
OXHEAD'S
SECRET
BOARDING-HOUSE
GEOMETRY
THE
AWFUL
FATE
OF
MELPOMENUS
JONES
A
CHRISTMAS
LETTER
HOW
TO
MAKE
A
MILLION
DOLLARS
HOW
TO
LIVE
TO
BE
200
HOW
TO
AVOID
GETTING
MARRIED
HOW
TO
BE
A
DOCTOR
THE
NEW
FOOD
A
NEW
PATHOLOGY
THE
POET
ANSWERED
THE
FORCE
OF
STATISTICS
MEN
WHO
HAVE
SHAVED
ME
GETTING
THE
THREAD
OF
IT
TELLING
HIS
FAULTS
WINTER
PASTIMES
NUMBER
FIFTY-SIX
ARISTOCRATIC
EDUCATION
THE
CONJURER'S
REVENGE
HINTS
TO
TRAVELLERS
A
MANUAL
OF
EDUCATION
HOODOO
MCFIGGIN'S
CHRISTMAS
THE
LIFE
OF
JOHN
SMITH
ON
COLLECTING
THINGS
SOCIETY
CHIT-CHAT
INSURANCE
UP
TO
DATE
BORROWING
A
MATCH
A
LESSON
IN
FICTION
HELPING
THE
ARMENIANS
A
STUDY
IN
STILL
LIFE.--THE
COUNTRY
HOTEL
AN
EXPERIMENT
WITH
POLICEMAN
HOGAN
THE
PASSING
OF
THE
POET
SELF-MADE
MEN
A
MODEL
DIALOGUE
BACK
TO
THE
BUSH
REFLECTIONS
ON
RIDING
SALOONIO
HALF-HOURS
WITH
THE
POETS
--
I.
MR.
WORDSWORTH
AND
THE
LITTLE
COTTAGE
GIRL
II.
HOW
TENNYSON
KILLED
THE
MAY
QUEEN
III.
OLD
MR.
LONGFELLOW
ON
BOARD
THE
"HESPERUS"
A,
B,
AND
C
My
Financial
Career
When
I
go
into
a
bank
I
get
rattled.
The
clerks
rattle
me;
the
wickets
rattle
me;
the
sight
of
the
money
rattles
me;
everything
rattles
me.
The
moment
I
cross
the
threshold
of
a
bank
and
attempt
to
transact
business
there,
I
become
an
irresponsible
idiot.
I
knew
this
beforehand,
but
my
salary
had
been
raised
to
fifty
dollars
a
month
and
I
felt
that
the
bank
was
the
only
place
for
it.
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