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150
Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
103
Attached
to
the
bar
is
a
pneumatic
beer-pump,
by
means
of
which
the
bar-tender
can
flood
the
bar
with
beer.
Afterwards
he
wipes
up
the
beer
with
a
rag.
By
this
means
he
polishes
the
bar.
Some
of
the
beer
that
is
pumped
up
spills
into
glasses
and
has
to
be
sold.
Behind
the
bar-tender
is
a
mechanism
called
a
cash-register,
which,
on
being
struck
a
powerful
blow,
rings
a
bell,
sticks
up
a
card
marked
NO
SALE,
and
opens
a
till
from
which
the
bar-tender
distributes
money.
There
is
printed
a
tariff
of
drinks
and
prices
on
the
wall.
It
reads
thus:
Beer
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Whisky.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Whisky
and
Soda.
.
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Beer
and
Soda
.
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Whisky
and
Beer
and
Soda
.
.
5
cents.
Whisky
and
Eggs
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Beer
and
Eggs
.
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Champagne.
.
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Cigars
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
Cigars,
extra
fine
.
.
.
.
.
5
cents.
All
calculations
are
made
on
this
basis
and
are
worked
out
to
three
places
of
decimals.
Every
seventh
drink
is
on
the
house
and
is
not
followed
by
a
distribution
of
money.
The
bar-room
closes
at
midnight,
provided
there
are
enough
people
in
it.
If
there
is
not
a
quorum
the
proprietor
waits
for
a
better
chance.
A
careful
closing
of
the
bar
will
often
catch
as
many
as
twenty-five
people.
The
bar
is
not
opened
again
till
seven
o'clock
in
the
morning;
after
that
the
people
may
go
home.
There
are
also,
nowadays,
Local
Option
Hotels.
These
contain
only
one
entrance,
leading
directly
into
the
bar.
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