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150
Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
108
Up
in
the
office
Mr.
Scalper
has
reached
the
letter
of
a
correspondent
which
appears
to
give
him
particular
pleasure,
for
he
delineates
the
character
with
a
beaming
smile
of
satisfaction.
To
the
unpractised
eye
the
writing
resembles
the
prim,
angular
hand
of
an
elderly
spinster.
Mr.
Scalper,
however,
seems
to
think
otherwise,
for
he
writes:
"Aunt
Dorothea.
You
have
a
merry,
rollicking
nature.
At
times
you
are
seized
with
a
wild,
tumultuous
hilarity
to
which
you
give
ample
vent
in
shouting
and
song.
You
are
much
addicted
to
profanity,
and
you
rightly
feel
that
this
is
part
of
your
nature
and
you
must
not
check
it.
The
world
is
a
very
bright
place
to
you,
Aunt
Dorothea.
Write
to
me
again
soon.
Our
minds
seem
cast
in
the
same
mould."
Mr.
Scalper
seems
to
think
that
he
has
not
done
full
justice
to
the
subject
he
is
treating,
for
he
proceeds
to
write
a
long
private
letter
to
Aunt
Dorothea
in
addition
to
the
printed
delineation.
As
he
finishes
the
City
Hall
clock
points
to
five,
and
Policeman
Hogan
makes
the
last
entry
in
his
chronicle.
Hogan
has
seated
himself
upon
the
steps
of
The
Eclipse
building
for
greater
comfort
and
writes
with
a
slow,
leisurely
fist:
"The
other
hand
of
the
clock
points
north
and
the
second
longest
points
south-east
by
south.
I
infer
that
it
is
five
o'clock.
The
electric
lights
in
Mr.
Scalper's
room
defy
the
eye.
The
roundsman
has
passed
and
examined
my
notes
of
the
night's
occurrences.
They
are
entirely
satisfactory,
and
he
is
pleased
with
their
literary
form.
The
earthquake
which
I
apprehended
was
reduced
to
a
few
minor
oscillations
which
cannot
reach
me
where
I
sit--"
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