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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
114
October
30.
Having
developed
a
passion
for
a
piece
of
sculpture
by
R.
Boeltzig
called
the
Reifenwerferin--the
most
beautiful
figure
of
a
woman.
I
am
already
devoted
to
Rodin's
"Kiss"
and
have
a
photo
of
it
framed
in
my
bedroom.
Have
written
to
Bruciani's.
I
suspect
that
my
growing
appreciation
of
the
plastic
art
is
with
me
only
distilled
sensuality.
I
enjoy
my
morning
bath
for
the
same
reason.
My
bath
is
a
daily
baptism.
I
revel
in
the
pleasure
of
the
pain
of
the
cold
water.
I
whistle
gleefully
because
I
am
clean
and
cool
and
nude
early
in
the
morning
with
the
sun
still
low,
before
the
day
has
been
stained
by
clothes,
dirt,
pain,
exasperation,
death....
How
I
love
myself
as
I
rub
myself
down!--the
cool,
pink
skin--I
could
eat
it!
I
want
to
be
all
day
in
a
cold
bath
to
enjoy
the
pain
of
mortifying
the
flesh--it
is
so
beautiful,
so
soft,
so
inscrutable--if
I
cut
out
chunks
of
it,
it
would
only
bleed.
November
8.
The
other
morning
R----
said
hyperbolically
that
he
hadn't
slept
all
night
for
fear
that,
before
he
had
time
to
put
an
arresting
hand
on
my
shoulder
and
say
"Don't,"
I
might
have
gone
and
become
"Entangled."
...
...
No,
I'm
as
firm
as
a
rock,
my
dear.
But
in
imagination
the
affair
was
continued
as
follows,--
She:
"I
am
fond
of
you,
you
know."
He:
"I
wish
you
wouldn't
say
these
things
to
me--they're
quite
embarrassing."
She:
"Oh!
my
dear,
I'm
not
serious,
you
know--you're
such
a
vain
young
man."
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