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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
115
He:
"Well,
it's
equally
embarrassing
any
way."
She:
"Then
I
am
serious."
Tears.
I
say:
"I
wish
you
would
take
me
only
for
what
I
am--a
blackguard
with
no
good
intentions,
yet
no
very
evil
ones--but
still
a
blackguard,
whom
you
seem
to
find
has
engaging
manners."
I
breathe
freely
hoping
to
have
escaped
this
terrible
temptation
and
turn
to
go.
But
she,
looking
up
smiling
thro'
a
curtain
of
wet
eyelashes,
asks,--
"Won't
the
blackguard
stop
a
little
longer?"
In
a
moment
my
earth
works,
redoubts,
and
bastions
fall
down,
I
rush
forward
impetuously
into
her
arms
shouting,
"I
will,
I
will,
I
will
as
long
as
for
eternity."
(Curtain.)
I
dramatised
this
little
picture
and
much
more
last
night
before
going
to
sleep
when
I
was
in
a
fever.
I
should
succumb
at
once
to
the
first
really
skilful
coquette.
November
9.
Ludo
We
played
Ludo
together
this
evening
and
she
won
2s.
6d.
Handsomely
gowned
in
black
and
wearing
black
ornaments,
she
sat
with
me
in
the
lamplight
on
the
sofa
in
the
Morris
Room,
with
the
Ludo
board
between
us
placed
on
a
large
green
cushion.
Her
face
was
white
as
parchment
and
her
hair
seemed
an
ebony
black.
I
lolled
in
the
opposite
corner,
a
thin,
elongated
youth,
with
fair
hair
all
stivvered
up,
dressed
in
a
light-brown
lounge
suit
with
a
good
trouser
crease,
a
soft
linen
collar
and--a
red
tie!
Between
us,
on
its
green
cushion
the
Ludo
board
with
its
brilliantly
coloured
squares:--all
of
it
set
before
a
background
formed
by
the
straight-backed,
rectangular,
settle-like
sofa,
with
a
charming
covering
which
went
with
the
rest
of
the
scheme.
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