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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
12
Boarding-House
Geometry
DEFINITIONS
AND
AXIOMS
All
boarding-houses
are
the
same
boarding-house.
Boarders
in
the
same
boarding-house
and
on
the
same
flat
are
equal
to
one
another.
A
single
room
is
that
which
has
no
parts
and
no
magnitude.
The
landlady
of
a
boarding-house
is
a
parallelogram--that
is,
an
oblong
angular
figure,
which
cannot
be
described,
but
which
is
equal
to
anything.
A
wrangle
is
the
disinclination
of
two
boarders
to
each
other
that
meet
together
but
are
not
in
the
same
line.
All
the
other
rooms
being
taken,
a
single
room
is
said
to
be
a
double
room.
POSTULATES
AND
PROPOSITIONS
A
pie
may
be
produced
any
number
of
times.
The
landlady
can
be
reduced
to
her
lowest
terms
by
a
series
of
propositions.
A
bee
line
may
be
made
from
any
boarding-house
to
any
other
boarding-house.
The
clothes
of
a
boarding-house
bed,
though
produced
ever
so
far
both
ways,
will
not
meet.
Any
two
meals
at
a
boarding-house
are
together
less
than
two
square
meals.
If
from
the
opposite
ends
of
a
boarding-house
a
line
be
drawn
passing
through
all
the
rooms
in
turn,
then
the
stovepipe
which
warms
the
boarders
will
lie
within
that
line.
On
the
same
bill
and
on
the
same
side
of
it
there
should
not
be
two
charges
for
the
same
thing.
If
there
be
two
boarders
on
the
same
flat,
and
the
amount
of
side
of
the
one
be
equal
to
the
amount
of
side
of
the
other,
each
to
each,
and
the
wrangle
between
one
boarder
and
the
landlady
be
equal
to
the
wrangle
between
the
landlady
and
the
other,
then
shall
the
weekly
bills
of
the
two
boarders
be
equal
also,
each
to
each.
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