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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
12
"Meaning
pleonastic,
I
presume,"
retorted
the
Idiot.
"I
beg
your
pardon?"
said
the
School-master.
"Never
mind,"
said
the
Idiot.
"I
won't
press
the
analogy,
but
I
will
say
that
those
who
are
themselves
periphrastic
should
avoid
criticising
others
for
being
ambaginous."
"I
think
you
mean
ambiguous,"
said
the
School-master,
elevating
his
eyebrows
in
triumph.
"I
thought
you'd
think
that,"
retorted
the
Idiot.
"That's
why
I
used
the
word
'ambaginous.'
I'll
lend
you
my
dictionary
to
freshen
up
your
phraseology.
Meanwhile,
I'll
tell
you
how
I
happened
to
get
a
Thesaurus.
I
thought
it
was
an
animal,
and
when
I
saw
that
a
New
York
bookseller
had
a
lot
of
them
marked
down
from
two
dollars
to
one,
I
sent
and
got
one.
I
thought
it
was
strange
for
a
bookseller
to
be
selling
rare
animals,
but
that
was
his
business,
not
mine;
and
as
I
was
anxious
to
see
what
kind
of
a
creature
a
Thesaurus
was,
I
invested.
When
I
found
out
it
was
a
book
and
not
a
tame
relic
of
the
antediluvian
animal
kingdom,
I
thought
I
wouldn't
say
anything
about
it,
but
you
people
here
are
so
inquisitive
you've
learned
my
secret."
"And
wasn't
it
an
animal?"
asked
Mrs.
Smithers-Pedagog.
"My
dear--my
dear!"
ejaculated
Mr.
Pedagog.
"Pray--ah--I
beg
of
you,
do
not
enter
into
this
discussion."
"No,
Mrs.
Pedagog,"
observed
the
Idiot,
"it
was
not.
It
was
nothing
more
than
a
book,
which,
when
once
you
have
read
it,
you
would
not
be
without,
since
it
gives
your
vocabulary
a
twist
which
makes
you
proof
against
ninety-nine
out
of
every
one
hundred
conversationalists
in
the
world,
no
matter
how
weak
your
cause."
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