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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
13
For
if
not,
let
one
bill
be
the
greater.
Then
the
other
bill
is
less
than
it
might
have
been--which
is
absurd.
The
Awful
Fate
of
Melpomenus
Jones
Some
people--not
you
nor
I,
because
we
are
so
awfully
self-possessed--but
some
people,
find
great
difficulty
in
saying
good-bye
when
making
a
call
or
spending
the
evening.
As
the
moment
draws
near
when
the
visitor
feels
that
he
is
fairly
entitled
to
go
away
he
rises
and
says
abruptly,
"Well,
I
think
I...."
Then
the
people
say,
"Oh,
must
you
go
now?
Surely
it's
early
yet!"
and
a
pitiful
struggle
ensues.
I
think
the
saddest
case
of
this
kind
of
thing
that
I
ever
knew
was
that
of
my
poor
friend
Melpomenus
Jones,
a
curate--such
a
dear
young
man,
and
only
twenty-three!
He
simply
couldn't
get
away
from
people.
He
was
too
modest
to
tell
a
lie,
and
too
religious
to
wish
to
appear
rude.
Now
it
happened
that
he
went
to
call
on
some
friends
of
his
on
the
very
first
afternoon
of
his
summer
vacation.
The
next
six
weeks
were
entirely
his
own--absolutely
nothing
to
do.
He
chatted
awhile,
drank
two
cups
of
tea,
then
braced
himself
for
the
effort
and
said
suddenly:
"Well,
I
think
I...."
But
the
lady
of
the
house
said,
"Oh,
no!
Mr.
Jones,
can't
you
really
stay
a
little
longer?"
Jones
was
always
truthful.
"Oh,
yes,"
he
said,
"of
course,
I--er--can
stay."
"Then
please
don't
go."
He
stayed.
He
drank
eleven
cups
of
tea.
Night
was
falling.
He
rose
again.
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