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264
Right Ho, Jeeves
·
P. G. Wodehouse
132
“You
consider
total
abstinence
a
handicap
to
a
gentleman
who
wishes
to
make
a
proposal
of
marriage,
sir?”
The
question
amazed
me.
“Why,
dash
it,”
I
said,
astounded,
“you
must
know
it
is.
Use
your
intelligence,
Jeeves.
Reflect
what
proposing
means.
It
means
that
a
decent,
self-respecting
chap
has
got
to
listen
to
himself
saying
things
which,
if
spoken
on
the
silver
screen,
would
cause
him
to
dash
to
the
box-office
and
demand
his
money
back.
Let
him
attempt
to
do
it
on
orange
juice,
and
what
ensues?
Shame
seals
his
lips,
or,
if
it
doesn’t
do
that,
makes
him
lose
his
morale
and
start
to
babble.
Gussie,
for
example,
as
we
have
seen,
babbles
of
syncopated
newts.”
“Palmated
newts,
sir.”
“Palmated
or
syncopated,
it
doesn’t
matter
which.
The
point
is
that
he
babbles
and
is
going
to
babble
again,
if
he
has
another
try
at
it.
Unless--and
this
is
where
I
want
you
to
follow
me
very
closely,
Jeeves--unless
steps
are
taken
at
once
through
the
proper
channels.
Only
active
measures,
promptly
applied,
can
provide
this
poor,
pusillanimous
poop
with
the
proper
pep.
And
that
is
why,
Jeeves,
I
intend
tomorrow
to
secure
a
bottle
of
gin
and
lace
his
luncheon
orange
juice
with
it
liberally.”
“Sir?”
I
clicked
the
tongue.
“I
have
already
had
occasion,
Jeeves,”
I
said
rebukingly,
“to
comment
on
the
way
you
say
‘Well,
sir’
and
‘Indeed,
sir?’
I
take
this
opportunity
of
informing
you
that
I
object
equally
strongly
to
your
‘Sir?’
pure
and
simple.
The
word
seems
to
suggest
that
in
your
opinion
I
have
made
a
statement
or
mooted
a
scheme
so
bizarre
that
your
brain
reels
at
it.
In
the
present
instance,
there
is
absolutely
nothing
to
say
‘Sir?’
about.
The
plan
I
have
put
forward
is
entirely
reasonable
and
icily
logical,
and
should
excite
no
sirring
whatsoever.
Or
don’t
you
think
so?”
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