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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
137
Marriage,
I
urged,
was
an
economic
trap
for
guileless
young
men,
and
for
my
part
(to
give
myself
some
necessary
stiffening)
I
did
not
intend
to
enter
upon
any
such
hazardous
course,
even
if
I
had
the
chance.
Miss
----
said
I
was
a
funk--to
me
who
the
day
before
had
been
hammering
into
R----
my
principle
of
"Plunge
and
damn
the
consequences."
I
was
informed
I
was
an
old
woman
afraid
to
go
out
without
an
umbrella,
an
old
tabby
cat
afraid
to
leave
the
kitchen
fire,
etc.,
etc.
"Yes,
I
am
afraid
to
go
out
without
an
umbrella,"
I
argued
formally,
"when
it's
raining
cats
and
dogs.
As
long
as
I
am
dry,
I
shall
keep
dry.
As
soon
as
I
find
myself
caught
in
the
rain
or
victimised
by
a
passion,
I
shan't
be
afraid
of
falling
in
love
or
getting
wet.
It
would
be
a
misadventure,
but
I
am
not
going
in
search
of
one."
All
the
same
the
discussion
was
very
galling,
for
I
was
acting
a
part.
...
The
truth
is
I
have
philandered
abominably
with
her.
I
know
it.
And
now
I
am
jibbing
at
the
idea
of
marriage....
I
am
such
an
egotist,
I
want,
I
believe,
a
Princess
of
the
Blood
Royal.
June
9.
Some
days
ago
sent
a
personal
advertisement
to
the
newspaper
to
try
to
find
my
little
Irish
girl
who
lives
at
Notting
Hill
Gate.
To-day
they
return
me
the
money
and
advert,
no
doubt
mistaking
me
for
a
White
Slave
trafficker.
And
by
this
time,
I'm
thinking,
my
little
Irish
girl
can
go
to
blazes.
Shall
spend
the
P.O.
on
sweets
or
monkey
nuts.
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