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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
138
II:--HOW
TENNYSON
KILLED
THE
MAY
QUEEN
"If
you're
waking
call
me
early,
call
me
early,
mother
dear."
PART
I
As
soon
as
the
child's
malady
had
declared
itself
the
afflicted
parents
of
the
May
Queen
telegraphed
to
Tennyson,
"Our
child
gone
crazy
on
subject
of
early
rising,
could
you
come
and
write
some
poetry
about
her?"
Alfred,
always
prompt
to
fill
orders
in
writing
from
the
country,
came
down
on
the
evening
train.
The
old
cottager
greeted
the
poet
warmly,
and
began
at
once
to
speak
of
the
state
of
his
unfortunate
daughter.
"She
was
took
queer
in
May,"
he
said,
"along
of
a
sort
of
bee
that
the
young
folks
had;
she
ain't
been
just
right
since;
happen
you
might
do
summat."
With
these
words
he
opened
the
door
of
an
inner
room.
The
girl
lay
in
feverish
slumber.
Beside
her
bed
was
an
alarm-clock
set
for
half-past
three.
Connected
with
the
clock
was
an
ingenious
arrangement
of
a
falling
brick
with
a
string
attached
to
the
child's
toe.
At
the
entrance
of
the
visitor
she
started
up
in
bed.
"Whoop,"
she
yelled,
"I
am
to
be
Queen
of
the
May,
mother,
ye-e!"
Then
perceiving
Tennyson
in
the
doorway,
"If
that's
a
caller,"
she
said,
"tell
him
to
call
me
early."
The
shock
caused
the
brick
to
fall.
In
the
subsequent
confusion
Alfred
modestly
withdrew
to
the
sitting-room.
"At
this
rate,"
he
chuckled,
"I
shall
not
have
long
to
wait.
A
few
weeks
of
that
strain
will
finish
her."
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