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Literary Lapses
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Stephen Leacock
14
"Well
now,"
he
said
shyly,
"I
think
I
really...."
"You
must
go?"
said
the
lady
politely.
"I
thought
perhaps
you
could
have
stayed
to
dinner...."
"Oh
well,
so
I
could,
you
know,"
Jones
said,
"if...."
"Then
please
stay,
I'm
sure
my
husband
will
be
delighted."
"All
right,"
he
said
feebly,
"I'll
stay,"
and
he
sank
back
into
his
chair,
just
full
of
tea,
and
miserable.
Papa
came
home.
They
had
dinner.
All
through
the
meal
Jones
sat
planning
to
leave
at
eight-thirty.
All
the
family
wondered
whether
Mr.
Jones
was
stupid
and
sulky,
or
only
stupid.
After
dinner
mamma
undertook
to
"draw
him
out,"
and
showed
him
photographs.
She
showed
him
all
the
family
museum,
several
gross
of
them--photos
of
papa's
uncle
and
his
wife,
and
mamma's
brother
and
his
little
boy,
an
awfully
interesting
photo
of
papa's
uncle's
friend
in
his
Bengal
uniform,
an
awfully
well-taken
photo
of
papa's
grandfather's
partner's
dog,
and
an
awfully
wicked
one
of
papa
as
the
devil
for
a
fancy-dress
ball.
At
eight-thirty
Jones
had
examined
seventy-one
photographs.
There
were
about
sixty-nine
more
that
he
hadn't.
Jones
rose.
"I
must
say
good
night
now,"
he
pleaded.
"Say
good
night!"
they
said,
"why
it's
only
half-past
eight!
Have
you
anything
to
do?"
"Nothing,"
he
admitted,
and
muttered
something
about
staying
six
weeks,
and
then
laughed
miserably.
Just
then
it
turned
out
that
the
favourite
child
of
the
family,
such
a
dear
little
romp,
had
hidden
Mr.
Jones's
hat;
so
papa
said
that
he
must
stay,
and
invited
him
to
a
pipe
and
a
chat.
Papa
had
the
pipe
and
gave
Jones
the
chat,
and
still
he
stayed.
Every
moment
he
meant
to
take
the
plunge,
but
couldn't.
Then
papa
began
to
get
very
tired
of
Jones,
and
fidgeted
and
finally
said,
with
jocular
irony,
that
Jones
had
better
stay
all
night,
they
could
give
him
a
shake-down.
Jones
mistook
his
meaning
and
thanked
him
with
tears
in
his
eyes,
and
papa
put
Jones
to
bed
in
the
spare
room
and
cursed
him
heartily.
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