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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
14
"We
haven't
observed
the
fact,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog;
"but
what
of
it?
Have
you
been
courteous
to
any
one?"
"I
have,"
replied
the
Idiot,
"and
a
nightmare
is
what
it
brought
me.
I
rode
up-town
on
a
trolley-car
last
night,
and
I
gave
up
my
seat
to
sixteen
ladies,
two
of
whom,
by-the-way,
thanked
me."
"I
don't
see
why
more
than
one
of
them
should
thank
you,"
sniffed
the
landlady.
"If
a
man
gives
up
a
trolley-car
seat
to
sixteen
ladies,
only
one
of
them
can
occupy
it."
"I
stand
corrected,"
said
the
Idiot.
"I
gave
up
a
seat
to
ladies
sixteen
times
between
City
Hall
and
Twenty-third
Street.
I
can't
bring
myself
to
sit
down
while
a
woman
stands,
and
every
time
I'd
get
a
seat
some
woman
would
get
on
the
car.
Hence
it
was
that
I
gave
up
my
seat
to
sixteen
ladies.
Why
two
of
them
should
thank
me,
considering
the
rules,
I
do
not
know.
It
certainly
is
not
the
custom.
At
any
rate,
if
I
had
walked
up-town,
I
should
not
have
had
more
exercise
than
I
got
on
that
car,
bobbing
up
and
down
so
many
times,
and
lurching
here
and
lurching
there
every
time
the
car
stopped,
started,
or
turned
a
corner.
Whether
it
was
the
thanks
or
the
lurching
I
got,
I
don't
know,
but
the
incidents
of
the
ride
were
so
strongly
impressed
upon
me
that
I
dreamed
all
night,
only
in
my
dreams
I
was
not
giving
up
car
seats.
The
first
seat
I
gave
up
to
a
woman
in
the
dream
was
an
eighty-thousand-dollar
seat
in
the
Stock
Exchange.
It
was
expensive
courtesy,
but
I
did
it,
and
mourned
so
over
the
result
that
I
waked
up
and
discovered
that
it
was
but
a
dream.
Then
I
went
to
sleep
again.
This
time
I
was
at
the
opera.
I
had
the
best
seat
in
the
house,
when
in
came
a
woman
who
hadn't
a
chair.
Same
result.
I
got
up.
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