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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
141
This
afternoon
I
regard
as
a
mountain
peak
in
my
existence.
For
two
solid
hours
I
sat
like
an
Eagle
on
a
rock
gazing
into
infinity--a
very
fine
sensation
for
a
London
Sparrow....
I
have
an
idea
that
if
it
were
possible
to
assemble
the
sick
and
suffering
day
by
day
in
the
Albert
Hall
and
keep
the
Orchestra
going
all
the
time,
then
the
constant
exposure
of
sick
parts
to
such
heavenly
air
vibrations
would
ultimately
restore
to
them
the
lost
rhythm
of
health.
Surely,
even
a
single
exposure
to--say
Beethoven's
Fifth
Symphony--must
result
in
some
permanent
reconstitution
of
ourselves
body
and
soul.
No
one
can
be
quite
the
same
after
a
Beethoven
Symphony
has
streamed
thro'
him.
If
one
could
develop
a
human
soul
like
a
negative
the
effect
I
should
say
could
be
seen....
I'll
tell
you
what
I
wish
they'd
do--seriously:
divide
up
the
arena
into
a
series
of
cubicles
where,
unobserved
and
in
perfect
privacy,
a
man
could
execute
all
the
various
movements
of
his
body
and
limbs
which
the
music
prompts.
It
would
be
such
a
delicious
self-indulgence
and
it's
torture
to
be
jammed
into
a
seat
where
you
can't
even
tap
one
foot
or
wave
an
arm.
The
concert
restored
my
moral
health.
I
came
away
in
love
with
people
I
was
hating
before
and
full
of
compassion
for
others
I
usually
condemn.
A
feeling
of
immeasurable
well
being--a
jolly
bonhomie
enveloped
me
like
incandescent
light.
At
the
close
when
we
stood
up
to
sing
the
National
Anthem
we
all
felt
a
genuine
spirit
of
camaraderie.
Just
as
when
Kings
die,
we
were
silent
musing
upon
the
common
fate,
and
when
the
time
came
to
separate
we
were
loath
to
go
our
several
ways,
for
we
were
comrades
who
together
had
come
thro'
a
great
experience.
For
my
part
I
wanted
to
shake
hands
all
round--happy
travellers,
now
alas!
at
the
journey's
end
and
never
perhaps
to
meet
again--never.
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