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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
143
June
30.
Dinosaurs
There
are
books
which
are
Dinosaurs--Sir
Walter
Raleigh's
History
of
the
World,
Gibbon's
Decline
and
Fall
of
the
Roman
Empire.
There
are
men
who
are
Dinosaurs--Balzac
completing
his
Human
Comedy,
Napoleon,
Roosevelt.
I
like
them
all.
I
like
express
trains
and
motor
lorries.
I
enjoy
watching
an
iron
girder
swinging
in
the
air
or
great
cubes
of
ice
caught
up
between
iron
pincers.
I
must
always
stop
and
watch
these
things.
I
like
everything
that
is
swift
or
immense:
London,
lightning,
Popocatepetl.
I
enjoy
the
smell
of
tar,
of
coal,
of
fried
fish,
or
a
brass
band
playing
a
Liszt
Rhapsody.
And
why
should
those
foolish
Mænads
shout
Women's
Rights
just
because
they
burn
down
a
church?
All
bonfires
are
delectable.
Civilisation
and
top
hats
bore
me.
My
own
life
is
like
a
tame
rabbit's.
If
only
I
had
a
long
tail
to
lash
it
in
feline
rage!
I
would
return
to
Nature--I
could
almost
return
to
Chaos.
There
are
times
when
I
feel
so
dour
I
would
wreck
the
universe
if
I
could.[1]
(1917:
I
think
after
three
years
of
Armageddon
I
feel
quite
ready
to
go
back
to
top
hats
and
civilisation.)
July
8.
Sunset
in
Kensington
Gardens
The
instinct
for
worship
occurs
rhythmically--at
morning
and
evening.
This
is
natural,
for
twice
a
day
at
sunrise
and
sunset--however
work-sodden
we
may
be,
however
hypnotised
by
daily
routine--our
natural
impulse
is
(provided
we
are
awake)
to
look
to
the
horizon
at
the
sun
and
stand
a
moment
with
mute
lips.
During
the
course
of
the
day
or
night,
we
are
too
occupied
or
asleep--but
sunrise
is
the
great
hour
of
the
departure
and
sunset
is
the
arrival
at
the
end.
Everything
puts
on
a
mysterious
appearance--to-night
the
tops
of
the
elms
seemed
super-naturally
high
and,
pushing
up
into
the
sky,
had
secret
communion
with
the
clouds;
the
clouds
seemed
waiting
for
a
ceremony,
a
way
had
been
prepared
by
the
tapissier,
a
moment
of
suspense
while
one
cloud
stretched
to
another
like
courtiers
in
whispered
conversation;
a
rumour
of
the
approach;
then
slowly
the
news
came
thro'
that
the
sun
had
arrived
for
immediate
departure.
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