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235
The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft
·
George Gissing
143
Am
I,
then,
a
hidebound
materialist?
If
I
know
myself,
hardly
that.
Once,
in
conversation
with
G.
A.,
I
referred
to
his
position
as
that
of
the
agnostic.
He
corrected
me.
"The
agnostic
grants
that
there
may
be
something
beyond
the
sphere
of
man's
knowledge;
I
can
make
no
such
admission.
For
me,
what
is
called
the
unknowable
is
simply
the
non-existent.
We
see
what
is,
and
we
see
all."
Now
this
gave
me
a
sort
of
shock;
it
seemed
incredible
to
me
that
a
man
of
so
much
intelligence
could
hold
such
a
view.
So
far
am
I
from
feeling
satisfied
with
any
explanation,
scientific
or
other,
of
myself
and
of
the
world
about
me,
that
not
a
day
goes
by
but
I
fall
a-marvelling
before
the
mystery
of
the
universe.
To
trumpet
the
triumphs
of
human
knowledge
seems
to
me
worse
than
childishness;
now,
as
of
old,
we
know
but
one
thing--that
we
know
nothing.
What!
Can
I
pluck
the
flower
by
the
wayside,
and,
as
I
gaze
at
it,
feel
that,
if
I
knew
all
the
teachings
of
histology,
morphology,
and
so
on,
with
regard
to
it,
I
should
have
exhausted
its
meanings?
What
is
all
this
but
words,
words,
words?
Interesting,
yes,
as
observation;
but,
the
more
interesting,
so
much
the
more
provocative
of
wonder
and
of
hopeless
questioning.
One
may
gaze
and
think
till
the
brain
whirls--till
the
little
blossom
in
one's
hand
becomes
as
overwhelming
a
miracle
as
the
very
sun
in
heaven.
Nothing
to
be
known?
The
flower
simply
a
flower,
and
there
an
end
on't?
The
man
simply
a
product
of
evolutionary
law,
his
senses
and
his
intellect
merely
availing
him
to
take
account
of
the
natural
mechanism
of
which
he
forms
a
part?
I
find
it
very
hard
to
believe
that
this
is
the
conviction
of
any
human
mind.
Rather
I
would
think
that
despair
at
an
insoluble
problem,
and
perhaps
impatience
with
those
who
pretend
to
solve
it,
bring
about
a
resolute
disregard
of
everything
beyond
the
physical
fact,
and
so
at
length
a
self-deception
which
seems
obtuseness.
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