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150
Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
145
The
occupations
of
A,
B,
and
C
are
many
and
varied.
In
the
older
arithmetics
they
contented
themselves
with
doing
"a
certain
piece
of
work."
This
statement
of
the
case
however,
was
found
too
sly
and
mysterious,
or
possibly
lacking
in
romantic
charm.
It
became
the
fashion
to
define
the
job
more
clearly
and
to
set
them
at
walking
matches,
ditch-digging,
regattas,
and
piling
cord
wood.
At
times,
they
became
commercial
and
entered
into
partnership,
having
with
their
old
mystery
a
"certain"
capital.
Above
all
they
revel
in
motion.
When
they
tire
of
walking-matches--A
rides
on
horseback,
or
borrows
a
bicycle
and
competes
with
his
weaker-minded
associates
on
foot.
Now
they
race
on
locomotives;
now
they
row;
or
again
they
become
historical
and
engage
stage-coaches;
or
at
times
they
are
aquatic
and
swim.
If
their
occupation
is
actual
work
they
prefer
to
pump
water
into
cisterns,
two
of
which
leak
through
holes
in
the
bottom
and
one
of
which
is
water-tight.
A,
of
course,
has
the
good
one;
he
also
takes
the
bicycle,
and
the
best
locomotive,
and
the
right
of
swimming
with
the
current.
Whatever
they
do
they
put
money
on
it,
being
all
three
sports.
A
always
wins.
In
the
early
chapters
of
the
arithmetic,
their
identity
is
concealed
under
the
names
John,
William,
and
Henry,
and
they
wrangle
over
the
division
of
marbles.
In
algebra
they
are
often
called
X,
Y,
Z.
But
these
are
only
their
Christian
names,
and
they
are
really
the
same
people.
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