Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
1
96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
15
She
sat
down,
and
I
had
to
stand
behind
a
pillar
where
I
could
neither
see
nor
hear.
More
grief;
waked
up
again,
more
tired
than
when
I
went
to
bed.
In
ten
minutes
I
dozed
off.
Found
myself
an
ambitious
statesman
running
for
the
Presidency.
Was
elected
and
inaugurated.
Up
comes
a
Woman's
Rights
candidate.
More
courtesy.
Gave
up
the
Presidential
chair
to
her
and
went
home
to
obscurity,
when
again
I
awoke
tireder
than
ever.
Clock
struck
four.
Fell
asleep
again.
This
time
I
was
prepared
for
anything
that
might
happen.
I
found
myself
in
a
trolley-car,
but
with
me
I
had
a
perforated
chair-bottom,
such
as
the
street
peddlers
sell.
Lady
got
aboard.
I
put
the
perforated
chair-bottom
on
my
lap
and
invited
her
to
sit
down.
She
thanked
me
and
did
so.
Then
another
lady
got
on.
The
lady
on
my
lap
moved
up
and
made
room
for
the
second
lady.
She
sat
down.
Between
them
they
must
have
weighed
three
hundred
pounds.
I
could
have
stood
that,
but
as
time
went
on
more
ladies
got
aboard,
and
every
time
that
happened
these
first-comers
would
move
up
and
make
room
for
them.
How
they
did
it
I
can't
say,
any
more
than
I
can
say
how
in
real
life
three
women
can
find
room
in
a
car-seat
vacated
by
a
little
child.
They
did
the
former
just
as
they
do
the
latter,
until
finally
I
found
myself
flattened
into
the
original
bench
like
the
pattern
figure
of
a
carpet.
I
felt
like
an
entaglio;
thirty
women
by
actual
count
were
pressing
me
to
remain,
as
it
were,
but
the
worst
of
it
all
was
they
none
of
them
seemed
to
live
anywhere.
We
rode
on
and
on
and
on,
but
nobody
got
off.
I
tried
to
move--and
couldn't.
We
passed
my
corner,
but
there
I
was
fixed.
I
couldn't
breathe,
and
so
couldn't
call
out,
and
I
verily
believe
that
if
I
hadn't
finally
waked
up
I
should
by
this
time
have
reached
Hong-Kong,
for
I
have
a
distinct
recollection
of
passing
through
Chicago,
Denver,
San
Francisco,
and
Honolulu.
Finally,
I
did
wake,
however,
simply
worn
out
with
my
night's
rest,
which,
gentlemen,
is
why
I
say,
as
I
have
already
said,
this
is
a
weary
world."
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
