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The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness
·
Florence Hartley
159
Still
it
is
not
to
the
erudite,
nor
to
the
imaginative
only,
that
it
is
given
to
please
in
conversation.
The
art
of
imparting
our
ideas
easily
and
elegantly
to
others,
may
be
improved
by
ourselves,
if
there
are
opportunities
of
mingling
in
good
society,
with
little
study.
The
mind
must
first
be
cultivated;
but
it
should
not
abash
those
who
are
conscious
of
moderate
talents,
or
imperfect
cultivation,
from
taking
a
due
part
in
conversation,
on
account
of
their
inferiority.
It
is
a
very
different
thing
to
shine
and
to
please;
to
shine
in
society
is
more
frequently
attempted
than
compassed:
to
please
is
in
the
power
of
all.
The
effort
to
shine,
when
fruitless,
brings
a
certain
disgrace,
and
engenders
mortification;
all
good
people
are
inclined
to
take
the
will
for
the
deed,
when
they
see
a
desire
to
please.
A
gentle,
deferential,
kind
manner,
will
disarm
even
the
most
discerning
from
criticising
too
severely
the
deficiencies
of
the
inexperienced;
confidence,
disrespect
of
others,
volubility,
eagerness
to
dispute,
must
irritate
the
self-love
of
others,
and
produce
an
averseness
to
acknowledge
talent
or
information,
where
they
may
even
happen
to
exist.
It
is
wiser
and
safer
for
a
young
lady,
in
general,
to
observe
the
good,
old-fashioned
rule
of
being
addressed
first;
but
then
she
must
receive
the
address
readily,
meeting
it
half
way,
repaying
it
by
enlarging
a
little
upon
the
topic
thus
selected,
and
not
sinking
into
a
dull
silence,
the
moment
after
a
reply
is
given.
Some
young
ladies
start,
as
if
thunderstruck,
when
spoken
to,
and
stare
as
if
the
person
who
pays
them
that
attention,
had
no
right
to
awaken
them
from
their
reverie.
Others
look
affronted,
possibly
from
shyness,
and
begin
a
derogatory
attack
upon
the
beauty
of
their
dress
by
twitching
the
front
breadth--or
move
from
side
to
side,
in
evident
distress
and
consternation.
Time
remedies
these
defects;
but
there
is
one
less
curable
and
less
endurable--that
of
pertness
and
flippancy--the
loud
remarks
and
exclamations--the
look
of
self-sufficiency
and
confidence.
But
these
offensive
manifestations
spring
from
some
previous
and
deep-seated
defects
of
character,
and
are
only
to
be
repelled
by
what,
I
fear,
they
will
frequently
encounter--the
mortification
of
inspiring
disgust.
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