Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
Share image
1
349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
165
October
28.
Rigor
Bordis
Rigor
bordis!--I
write
like
this
as
if
it
were
a
light
matter.
But
to-night
I
was
in
extremis....
First
I
read
the
paper;
then
I
finished
the
book
I
was
reading--"Thus
Spake
Zarathustra."
Not
knowing
quite
what
next
to
do,
I
took
my
boots
off
and
poured
out
another
cup
of
coffee.
But
these
manœuvres
were
only
the
feeble
attempts
of
a
cowardly
wretch
to
evade
the
main
issue
which
was:--
How
to
occupy
myself
and
keep
myself
sane
during
the
hour
and
a
half
before
bedtime.
Before
now
I
have
tried
going
off
to
bed.
But
that
does
not
work--I
don't
sleep.
Moreover,
I
have
been
in
the
grip
of
a
horrible
mental
unrest.
To
sit
still
in
my
chair,
much
less
to
lie
in
bed
doing
nothing
seemed
ghastly.
I
experienced
all
the
cravings
of
a
dissolute
neurotic
for
a
stimulus,
but
what
stimulus
I
wanted
I
did
not
know.
Had
I
known
I
should
have
gone
and
got
it.
The
dipsomaniac
was
a
man
to
be
envied.
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
