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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
17
III
The
Transatlantic
Trolley
Company
"If
I
were
a
millionaire,"
began
the
Idiot
one
Sunday
morning,
as
he
and
his
friends
took
their
accustomed
seats
at
the
breakfast-table,
"I
would
devote
a
tenth
of
my
income
to
the
poor,
a
tenth
to
children's
fresh-air
funds,
and
the
balance
to
the
education
through
travel
of
a
dear
and
intimate
friend
of
mine."
"That
would
be
a
generous
distribution
of
your
wealth,"
said
Mr.
Whitechoker,
graciously.
"But
upon
what
would
you
live
yourself?"
"I
should
stipulate
in
the
bargain
with
my
dear
and
intimate
friend
that
we
should
be
inseparable;
that
wherever
he
should
go
I
should
go,
and
that,
of
the
funds
devoted
to
his
education
through
travel,
one-half
should
be
paid
to
me
as
my
commission
for
letting
him
into
a
good
thing."
"You
certainly
have
good
business
sense,"
put
in
the
Bibliomaniac.
"I
wish
I
had
had
when
I
was
collecting
rare
editions."
"Collecting
rare
books
and
a
good
business
sense
seldom
go
together,
I
fancy,"
said
the
Idiot.
"I
began
collecting
books
once,
but
I
gave
it
up
and
took
to
collecting
coins.
I
chose
my
coin
and
devoted
my
time
to
getting
in
that
variety
alone,
and
it
has
paid
me."
"I
don't
exactly
gather
your
meaning,"
said
Mr.
Whitechoker.
"You
chose
your
coin?"
"Precisely.
I
said,
'Here!
Most
coin
collectors
spend
their
time
looking
for
one
or
two
rare
coins,
for
which,
when
they
are
found,
they
pay
fabulous
prices.
The
result
is
oftentimes
penury.
I,
on
the
other
hand,
will
look
for
coins
of
a
common
sort
which
do
not
command
fabulous
prices.'
So
I
chose
United
States
five-dollar
gold
pieces,
irrespective
of
dates,
for
my
collection,
and
the
result
is
moderate
affluence.
I
have
between
sixty
and
a
hundred
of
them
at
my
savings-bank,
and
when
I
have
found
it
necessary
to
realize
on
them
I
have
not
experienced
the
slightest
difficulty
in
forcing
them
back
into
circulation
at
cost."
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