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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
172
November
20.
Still
at
home
ill.
If
anything,
R----
is
more
of
a
précieux
than
I
am
myself.
At
the
present
moment
he
is
tickling
himself
with
the
idea
that
he's
in
love
with
a
certain
golden-haired
damsel
from
the
States.
He
reports
to
me
fragments
of
his
conversations
with
her,
how
he
snatches
a
fearful
joy
by
skirting
dangerous
conversational
territory,
or
he
takes
a
pencil
and
deftly
outlines
her
profile
or
the
rondeur
of
her
bosom.
Or
he
discourses
at
length
on
her
nose
or
eye.
I
can
well
imagine
him
driving
a
woman
crazy
and
then
collecting
her
tears
in
a
bottle
as
mementoes.
Then
whenever
he
requires
a
little
heart
stimulus
he
could
take
the
phial
from
his
waistcoat
pocket
and
watch
the
tears
condensing.
"Why
don't
you
marry
her
out
of
hand
and
be
done
with
all
this
dalliance?
I
can
tell
you
what's
the
matter
with
you,"
I
growled,
"you're
a
landscape
artist....
You'll
grow
to
resemble,
that
mean,
Jewy,
secretive,
petty
creature,
J.W.M.
Turner,
and
allow
no
human
being
to
interfere
with
your
art.
A
fine
artist
perhaps--but
what
a
man!
You'll
finish
up
with
a
Mrs.
Danby."
"Yes,"
he
answered,
quoting
Tennyson
with
great
aptness,
"and
'lose
my
salvation
for
a
sketch,'
like
Romney
deserting
his
wife.
If
I
were
not
married
I
should
have
no
wife
to
desert."
It
is
useless
to
argue
with
him.
His
cosmogony
is
wrongly
centred
in
Art
not
life.
Life
interests
him--he
can't
altogether
resign
himself
to
the
cowl
and
the
tonsured
head,
but
he
will
not
plunge.
He
insists
on
being
a
spectator,
watching
the
maelstrom
from
the
bank
and
remarking
exquisitely,
"Ah!
there
is
a
very
fine
sorrow,"
or,
"What
an
exquisite
sensation."
The
other
day
after
one
of
our
furious
conversational
bouts
around
this
subject,
I
drew
an
insect,
cut
it
out,
and
pinned
the
slip
in
a
collecting
box.
Then
suddenly
producing
the
box,
and
opening
it
with
a
facetious
grin,
I
said,--
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
