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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
19
Not
that
these
men
are
careless
over
money.
No,
sir.
Don't
think
it.
Of
course
they
don't
take
much
account
of
big
money,
a
hundred
thousand
dollars
at
a
shot
or
anything
of
that
sort.
But
little
money.
You've
no
idea
till
you
know
them
how
anxious
they
get
about
a
cent,
or
half
a
cent,
or
less.
Why,
two
of
them
came
into
the
club
the
other
night
just
frantic
with
delight:
they
said
wheat
had
risen
and
they'd
cleaned
up
four
cents
each
in
less
than
half
an
hour.
They
bought
a
dinner
for
sixteen
on
the
strength
of
it.
I
don't
understand
it.
I've
often
made
twice
as
much
as
that
writing
for
the
papers
and
never
felt
like
boasting
about
it.
One
night
I
heard
one
man
say,
"Well,
let's
call
up
New
York
and
offer
them
a
quarter
of
a
cent."
Great
heavens!
Imagine
paying
the
cost
of
calling
up
New
York,
nearly
five
million
people,
late
at
night
and
offering
them
a
quarter
of
a
cent!
And
yet--did
New
York
get
mad?
No,
they
took
it.
Of
course
it's
high
finance.
I
don't
pretend
to
understand
it.
I
tried
after
that
to
call
up
Chicago
and
offer
it
a
cent
and
a
half,
and
to
call
up
Hamilton,
Ontario,
and
offer
it
half
a
dollar,
and
the
operator
only
thought
I
was
crazy.
All
this
shows,
of
course,
that
I've
been
studying
how
the
millionaires
do
it.
I
have.
For
years.
I
thought
it
might
be
helpful
to
young
men
just
beginning
to
work
and
anxious
to
stop.
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