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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
192
January
30.
Hearing
Beethoven
To
the
Queen's
Hall
and
heard
Beethoven's
Fifth
and
Seventh
Symphonies.
Before
the
concert
began
I
was
in
a
fever.
I
kept
on
saying
to
myself,
"I
am
going
to
hear
the
Fifth
and
Seventh
Symphonies."
I
regarded
myself
with
the
most
ridiculous
self-adulation--I
smoothed
and
purred
over
myself--a
great
contented
Tabby
cat--and
all
because
I
was
so
splendidly
fortunate
as
to
be
about
to
hear
Beethoven's
Fifth
and
Seventh
Symphonies.
It
certainly
upset
me
a
little
to
find
there
were
so
many
other
people
who
were
singularly
fortunate
as
well,
and
it
upset
me
still
more
to
find
some
of
them
knitting
and
some
reading
newspapers
as
if
they
waited
for
sausage
and
mashed.
How
I
gloried
in
the
Seventh!
I
can't
believe
there
was
any
one
present
who
gloried
in
it
as
I
did!
To
be
processing
majestically
up
the
steps
of
a
great,
an
unimaginable
palace
(in
the
"Staircase"
introduction),
led
by
Sir
Henry,
is
to
have
had
at
least
a
crowded
ten
minutes
of
glorious
life--a
suspicion
crossed
the
mind
at
one
time
"Good
Heavens,
they're
going
to
knight
me."
I
cannot
say
if
that
were
their
intentions.
But
I
escaped
however....
I
love
the
way
in
which
a
beautiful
melody
flits
around
the
Orchestra
and
its
various
components
like
a
beautiful
bird.
January
19.
An
Average
Day
After
a
morning
of
very
mixed
emotions
and
more
than
one
annoyance
...
at
last
sat
down
to
lunch
and
a
little
peace
and
quiet
with
R----.
We
began
by
quoting
verse
at
one
another
in
open
competition.
Of
course
neither
of
us
listened
to
the
other's
verses.
We
merely
enjoyed
the
pleasure
of
recollecting
and
repeating
our
own.
I
began
with
Tom
Moore's
"Row
gently
here,
my
Gondolier."
R----
guessed
the
author
rightly
at
once
and
fidgeted
until
he
burst
out
with,
"The
Breaths
of
kissing
night
and
day"--to
me
an
easy
one.
I
gave,
"The
Moon
more
indolently
sleeps
to-night"
(Baudelaire),
and
in
reply
he
did
a
great
stroke
by
reciting
some
of
the
old
French
of
Frangois
Villon
which
entirely
flummuxed
me.
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