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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
20
"There
is
such
a
nostrum,"
said
the
Doctor.
"There
is,
indeed,"
put
in
the
Genial
Old
Gentleman
who
occasionally
imbibes.
"I've
tried
it."
"And
were
you
sea-sick?"
asked
the
Doctor.
"I
never
knew,"
replied
the
Genial
Old
Gentleman.
"It
made
me
so
ill
that
I
never
thought
to
inquire
what
was
the
matter
with
me.
But
one
thing
is
certain,
I'll
take
my
sea-voyages
straight
after
this."
"I'd
like
to
go
by
rail,"
said
the
Idiot,
after
a
moment's
thought.
"That
is
a
desire
quite
characteristic
of
you,"
said
the
School-master.
"It
is
so
probable
that
you
could.
Why
not
say
that
you'd
like
to
cross
the
Atlantic
on
a
tight-rope?"
"Because
I
have
no
such
ambition,"
replied
the
Idiot.
"Though
it
might
be
fun
if
the
tight-rope
were
a
trolley-wire,
and
one
could
sit
comfortably
in
a
spacious
cab
while
speeding
over
the
water.
I
should
think
that
would
be
exhilarating
enough.
Just
imagine
how
fine
it
would
be
on
a
stormy
day
to
sit
looking
out
of
your
cab-window
far
above
the
surface
of
the
raging
and
impotent
sea,
skipping
along
at
electric
speed,
and
daring
the
waves
to
do
their
worst--that
would
be
bliss."
"And
so
practical,"
growled
the
Bibliomaniac.
"Bliss
rarely
is
practical,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Bliss
is
a
sort
of
mugwump
blessing--too
full
of
the
ideal
and
too
barren
in
practicability."
"Well,"
said
Mr.
Whitechoker.
"I
don't
know
why
we
should
say
that
trolley-cars
between
New
York
and
London
never
can
be.
If
we
had
told
our
grandfathers
a
hundred
years
ago
that
a
cable
for
the
transmission
of
news
could
be
laid
under
the
sea,
they
would
have
laughed
us
to
scorn."
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