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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
22
There
is,
of
course,
a
much
easier
way
than
any
of
these.
I
almost
hate
to
tell
this,
because
I
want
to
do
it
myself.
I
learned
of
it
just
by
chance
one
night
at
the
club.
There
is
one
old
man
there,
extremely
rich,
with
one
of
the
best
faces
of
the
lot,
just
like
a
hyena.
I
never
used
to
know
how
he
had
got
so
rich.
So
one
evening
I
asked
one
of
the
millionaires
how
old
Bloggs
had
made
all
his
money.
"How
he
made
it?"
he
answered
with
a
sneer.
"Why
he
made
it
by
taking
it
out
of
widows
and
orphans."
Widows
and
orphans!
I
thought,
what
an
excellent
idea.
But
who
would
have
suspected
that
they
had
it?
"And
how,"
I
asked
pretty
cautiously,
"did
he
go
at
it
to
get
it
out
of
them?"
"Why,"
the
man
answered,
"he
just
ground
them
under
his
heels,
that
was
how."
Now
isn't
that
simple?
I've
thought
of
that
conversation
often
since
and
I
mean
to
try
it.
If
I
can
get
hold
of
them,
I'll
grind
them
quick
enough.
But
how
to
get
them.
Most
of
the
widows
I
know
look
pretty
solid
for
that
sort
of
thing,
and
as
for
orphans,
it
must
take
an
awful
lot
of
them.
Meantime
I
am
waiting,
and
if
I
ever
get
a
large
bunch
of
orphans
all
together,
I'll
stamp
on
them
and
see.
I
find,
too,
on
inquiry,
that
you
can
also
grind
it
out
of
clergymen.
They
say
they
grind
nicely.
But
perhaps
orphans
are
easier.
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