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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
223
After
breakfast
we
sat
in
the
Buttercup
field--my
love
and
I--and
"plucked
up
kisses
by
the
roots
that
grew
upon
our
lips."
The
sun
was
streaming
down
and
the
field
thickly
peopled
with
Buttercups.
From
where
we
sat
we
could
see
the
whole
of
the
valley
below
and
Farmer
Whaley--a
speck
in
the
distance--working
a
machine
in
a
field.
We
watched
him
idly.
The
gamekeeper's
gun
went
off
in
one
of
the
covers.
It
was
jolly
to
put
our
heads
together
right
down
deep
in
the
Buttercups
and
luxuriously
follow
the
pelting
activities
of
the
tiny
insects
crawling
here
and
there
in
the
forest
of
grass,
clambering
over
a
broken
blade
athwart
another
like
a
wrecked
tree
or
busily
enquiring
into
some
low
scrub
at
the
roots.
A
chicken
came
our
way
and
he
seemed
an
enormous
bird
from
the
grass-blade's
point
of
view.
How
nice
to
be
a
chicken
in
a
field
of
Buttercups
and
see
them
as
big
as
Sunflowers!
or
to
be
a
Gulliver
in
the
Beech
Woods!
to
be
so
small
as
to
be
able
to
climb
a
Buttercup,
tumble
into
the
corolla
and
be
dusted
yellow
or
to
be
so
big
as
to
be
able
to
pull
up
a
Beech-tree
with
finger
and
thumb!
If
only
a
man
were
a
magician,
could
play
fast
and
loose
with
rigid
Nature?
what
a
multitude
of
rich
experiences
he
could
discover
for
himself!
I
looked
long
and
steadily
this
morning
at
the
magnificent
torso
of
a
high
forest
Beech
and
tried
to
project
myself
into
its
lithe
tiger-like
form,
to
feel
its
electric
sap
vitalising
all
my
frame
out
to
the
tip
of
every
tingling
leaf,
to
possess
its
splendid
erectness
in
my
own
bones.
I
could
have
flung
my
arms
around
its
fascinating
body
but
the
austerity
of
the
great
creature
forbad
it.
Then
a
Hawk
fired
my
ambition!--to
be
a
Hawk,
or
a
Falcon,
to
have
a
Falcon's
soul,
a
Falcon's
heart--that
splendid
muscle
in
the
cage
of
the
thorax--and
the
Falcon's
pride
and
sagacious
eye![3]
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