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235
The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft
·
George Gissing
231
XXV.
The
dark
days
are
drawing
to
an
end.
Soon
it
will
be
spring
once
more;
I
shall
go
out
into
the
fields,
and
shake
away
these
thoughts
of
discouragement
and
fear
which
have
lately
too
much
haunted
my
fireside.
For
me,
it
is
a
virtue
to
be
self-centred;
I
am
much
better
employed,
from
every
point
of
view,
when
I
live
solely
for
my
own
satisfaction,
than
when
I
begin
to
worry
about
the
world.
The
world
frightens
me,
and
a
frightened
man
is
no
good
for
anything.
I
know
only
one
way
in
which
I
could
have
played
a
meritorious
part
as
an
active
citizen--by
becoming
a
schoolmaster
in
some
little
country
town,
and
teaching
half
a
dozen
teachable
boys
to
love
study
for
its
own
sake.
That
I
could
have
done,
I
daresay.
Yet,
no;
for
I
must
have
had
as
a
young
man
the
same
mind
that
I
have
in
age,
devoid
of
idle
ambitions,
undisturbed
by
unattainable
ideals.
Living
as
I
do
now,
I
deserve
better
of
my
country
than
at
any
time
in
my
working
life;
better,
I
suspect,
than
most
of
those
who
are
praised
for
busy
patriotism.
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