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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
235
To
keep
a
journal
is
to
have
a
secret
liaison
of
a
very
sentimental
kind.
A
journal
intime
is
a
super-confidante
to
whom
everything
is
told
and
confessed.
For
an
engaged
or
married
man
to
have
a
secret
super-confidante
who
knows
things
which
are
concealed
from
his
lady
seems
to
me
to
be
deliberate
infidelity.
I
am
as
it
were
engaged
to
two
women
and
one
of
them
is
being
deceived.
The
word
"Deceit"
comes
up
against
me
in
this
double
life
I
lead,
and
insists
I
shall
name
a
plain
thing
bluntly.
There
is
something
very
like
sheer
moral
obliquity
in
these
entries
behind
her
back....
Is
this
journal
habit
slowly
corrupting
my
character?
Can
an
engaged
or
married
man
conscientiously
continue
to
write
his
journal
intime?
This
question
of
giving
up
my
faithful
friend
after
September
I
must
consider.
Of
course
most
men
have
something
to
conceal
from
someone.
Most
married
men
are
furtive
creatures,
and
married
women
too.
But
I
have
a
Gregers
Werle-like
passion
for
life
to
be
lived
on
a
foundation
of
truth
in
every
intercourse.
I
would
have
my
wife
know
all
about
me
and
if
I
cannot
be
loved
for
what
I
surely
am,
I
do
not
want
to
be
loved
for
what
I
am
not.
If
I
continue
to
write
therefore
she
shall
read
what
I
have
written....
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