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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
25
IV
The
Incorporation
of
the
Idiot
"How
is
business
these
days,
Mr.
Idiot?"
asked
the
Poet,
as
the
one
addressed
laid
down
the
morning
paper
with
a
careworn
expression
on
his
face.
"Good,
I
hope?"
"Fair,
only,"
replied
the
Idiot.
"My
honored
employer
was
quite
blue
about
things
yesterday,
and
if
I
hadn't
staved
him
off
I
think
he'd
have
proposed
swapping
places
with
me.
He
has
said
quite
often
of
late
that
I
had
the
best
of
it,
because
all
I
had
to
earn
was
my
salary,
whereas
he
had
to
earn
my
salary
and
his
own
living
besides.
I
offered
to
give
him
ten
per
cent.
of
my
salary
for
ten
per
cent.
of
his
living,
but
he
said
he
guessed
he
wouldn't,
adding
that
I
seemed
to
be
as
great
an
Idiot
as
ever."
"I
fancy
he
was
right
there,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog.
"I
should
really
like
to
know
how
a
man
of
your
peculiar
mental
construction
can
be
of
the
slightest
practical
value
to
a
banker.
I
ask
the
question
in
all
kindness,
too,
meaning
to
cast
no
reflections
whatever
upon
either
you
or
your
employer.
You
are
a
roaring
success
in
your
own
line,
which
is
all
any
one
could
ask
of
you."
"There's
hominy
for
you,
as
the
darky
said
to
the
hotel
guest,"
returned
the
Idiot.
"Any
person
who
says
that
discord
exists
at
this
table
doesn't
know
what
he
is
talking
about.
Even
the
oil
and
the
vinegar
mix
in
the
caster--that
is,
I
judge
they
do
from
the
oleaginous
appearance
of
the
vinegar.
But
I
am
very
useful
to
my
employer,
Mr.
Pedagog.
He
says
frequently
that
he
wouldn't
know
what
not
to
do
if
it
were
not
for
me."
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