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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
264
This
morning
in
bed
I
heard
a
man
with
a
milkcart
say
in
the
road
to
a
villager
at
about
6.30
a.m.,
"...
battle
...
and
we
lost
six
cruisers."
This
was
the
first
I
knew
of
the
Battle
of
Jutland.
At
8
a.m.
I
read
in
the
Daily
News
that
the
British
Navy
had
been
defeated,
and
thought
it
was
the
end
of
all
things.
The
news
took
away
our
appetites.
At
the
railway
station,
the
Morning
Post
was
more
cheerful,
even
reassuring,
and
now
at
6.30
p.m.
the
Battle
has
turned
into
a
merely
regrettable
indecisive
action.
We
breathe
once
more.
June
4.
It
has
now
become
a
victory.
June
11.
Old
systems
of
Classification:
Rafinesc's
Theory
of
Fives,
Swainson's
Theory
of
Sevens,
Edward
Newman's
book
called
Sphinx
Vespiformis
tracing
fives
throughout
the
animal
world,
Sir
Thomas
Browne's
Quincunx,
chasing
fives
throughout
the
whole
of
nature--in
the
words
of
Coleridge,
"quincunxes
in
Heaven
above,
quincunxes
in
the
Earth
below,
quincunxes
in
the
mind
of
man,
in
optic
nerves,
in
roots
of
trees,
in
leaves,
in
everything!"
Old
false
trails:
The
Philosopher's
Stone
(Balthazar
Clæs).[2]
A
universal
catholicon
(Bishop
Berkeley's
tar-water).
Mystical
numbers
(as
per
above).
My
father
was
Sir
Thomas
Browne
and
my
mother
Marie
Bashkirtseff.
See
what
a
curious
hybrid
I
am!
I
toss
these
pages
in
the
faces
of
timid,
furtive,
respectable
people
and
say:
"There!
that's
me!
You
may
like
it
or
lump
it,
but
it's
true.
And
I
challenge
you
to
follow
suit,
to
flash
the
searchlight
of
your
self-consciousness
into
every
remotest
corner
of
your
life
and
invite
everybody's
inspection.
Be
candid,
be
honest,
break
down
the
partitions
of
your
cubicle,
come
out
of
your
burrow,
little
worm."
As
we
are
all
such
worms
we
should
at
least
be
honest
worms.
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