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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
27
"You'd
have
found
it
easy,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog,
dryly.
"Would
I?"
said
the
Idiot.
"I'll
have
to
take
your
word
for
it,
sir,
for
I
have
never
been
a
jackass,
and
so
cannot
form
an
opinion
on
the
subject."
"Pride
goeth
before
a
fall,"
said
Mr.
Whitechoker,
seeing
a
chance
to
work
in
a
moral
reflection.
"Exactly,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Wherefore
I
admire
pride.
It
is
a
danger-signal
that
enables
man
to
avoid
the
fall.
If
Adam
had
had
any
pride
he'd
never
have
fallen--but
speaking
about
my
controlling
my
tongue,
it
is
not
entirely
out
of
the
range
of
possibilities
that
I
shall
lose
control
of
myself."
"I
expected
that,
sooner
or
later,"
said
the
Doctor.
"Is
it
to
be
Bloomingdale
or
a
private
mad-house
you
are
going
to?"
"Neither,"
replied
the
Idiot,
calmly.
"I
shall
stay
here.
For,
as
the
poet
says,
"''Tis
best
to
bear
the
ills
we
hov
Nor
fly
to
those
we
know
not
of.'"
"Ho!"
jeered
the
Poet.
"I
must
confess,
my
dear
Idiot,
that
I
do
not
think
you
are
a
success
in
quotation.
Hamlet
spoke
those
lines
differently."
"Shakespeare's
Hamlet
did.
My
little
personal
Shakespeare
makes
his
Hamlet
an
entirely
different,
less
stilted
sort
of
person,"
said
the
Idiot.
"You
have
a
personal
Shakespeare,
have
you?"
queried
the
Bibliomaniac.
"Of
course
I
have,"
the
Idiot
answered.
"Haven't
you?"
"I
have
not,"
said
the
Bibliomaniac,
shortly.
"Well,
I'm
sorry
for
you
then,"
sighed
the
Idiot,
putting
a
fried
potato
in
his
mouth.
"Very
sorry.
I
wouldn't
give
a
cent
for
another
man's
ideals.
I
want
my
own
ideals,
and
I
have
my
own
ideal
of
Shakespeare.
In
fancy,
Shakespeare
and
I
have
roamed
over
the
fields
of
Warwickshire
together,
and
I've
had
more
fun
imagining
the
kind
of
things
he
and
I
would
have
said
to
each
other
than
I
ever
got
out
of
his
published
plays,
few
of
which
have
escaped
the
ungentle
hands
of
the
devastators."
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