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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
28
"You
mean
commentators,
I
imagine,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog.
"I
do,"
said
the
Idiot.
"It's
all
the
same,
whether
you
call
them
commentors
or
devastators.
The
result
is
the
same.
New
editions
of
Shakespeare
are
issued
every
year,
and
people
buy
them
to
see
not
what
Shakespeare
has
written,
but
what
new
quip
some
opinionated
devastator
has
tried
to
fasten
on
his
memory.
In
a
hundred
years
from
now
the
works
of
Shakespeare
will
differ
as
much
from
what
they
are
to-day
as
to-day's
versions
differ
from
what
they
were
when
Shakespeare
wrote
them.
It's
mighty
discouraging
to
one
like
myself
who
would
like
to
write
works."
"You
are
convicted
out
of
your
own
mouth,"
said
the
Bibliomaniac.
"A
moment
since
you
wasted
your
pity
on
me
because
I
didn't
mutilate
Shakespeare
so
as
to
make
him
my
own,
and
now
you
attack
the
commentators
for
doing
precisely
the
same
thing.
They're
as
much
entitled
to
their
opinions
as
you
are
to
yours."
"Did
you
ever
learn
to
draw
parallels
when
you
were
in
school?"
asked
the
Idiot.
"I
did,
and
I
think
I've
made
a
perfect
parallel
in
this
case.
You
attack
people
in
one
breath
for
what
you
commiserate
me
for
not
doing
in
another,"
said
the
Bibliomaniac.
"Not
exactly,"
said
the
Idiot.
"I
don't
object
to
the
commentators
for
commentating,
but
I
do
object
to
their
putting
out
their
versions
of
Shakespeare
as
Shakespeare.
I
might
as
well
have
my
edition
published.
It
certainly
would
be
popular,
especially
where,
in
'Julius
Caesar,'
I
introduce
five
Cassiuses
and
have
them
all
fall
on
their
swords
together
with
military
precision,
like
a
'Florodora'
sextette,
for
instance."
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