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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
289
December
12.
It
is
so
agreeable
to
be
able
to
write
again
that
I
write
now
for
the
sheer
physical
pleasure
of
being
able
to
use
a
pen
and
form
letters.
An
Adventure
in
Search
of
Health
About
the
end
of
September,
I
began
to
feel
so
ill
that
Nurse
went
for
the
Doctor
who
assured
me
that
E----
was
all
right--I
need
not
worry--"You
go
away
at
once
and
get
some
fresh
air,"
and
so
forth.
"I
feel
quite
ill,"
I
said,
struggling
to
break
the
news.
"Sort
of
nervous?"
he
enquired
good-naturedly,
"run
down?
I
should
get
right
away
at
once."
I
began
tentatively.
"Well,
I
have
a
rather
long
medical
history
and
perhaps
...
you
...
might
care
to
read
the
certificate
of
my
London
Doctor?"
I
went
to
my
escritoire
and
returned
with
M----'s
letter
addressed
to
"The
M.O.
examining
Mr.
B."
Hodge
pulled
out
the
missive,
studied
the
brief
note
carefully
and
long,
at
the
same
time
drawing
in
his
breath--deeply,
and
gnawing
the
back
of
his
hand.
"I
know
all
about
it,"
I
said
to
relieve
him.
"Is
it
quite
certain?
about
this
disease?"
he
said
presently.
"You
are
very
young
for
it."
"I
think
there
is
no
doubt,"
and
he
began
to
put
me
thro'
the
usual
tricks.
"I
should
go
right
away
at
once,"
he
said,
"and
go
on
with
your
arsenic.
And
whatever
you
do--don't
worry--your
wife
is
all
right."
After
beseeching
him
to
keep
silence
about
it
as
I
thought
she
did
not
know,
I
shewed
him
out
and
locked
up
the
certificate
again.
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