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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
29
"Well,
I
hope
you'll
never
print
such
an
atrocity
as
that,"
cried
the
Bibliomaniac,
hotly.
"If
there's
one
thing
in
literature
without
excuse
and
utterly
contemptible
it
is
the
comic
version,
the
parody
of
a
masterpiece."
"You
need
have
no
fear
on
that
score,"
returned
the
Idiot.
"I
haven't
time
to
rewrite
Shakespeare,
and,
since
I
try
never
to
stop
short
of
absolute
completeness,
I
shall
not
embark
on
the
enterprise.
If
I
do,
however,
I
shall
not
do
as
the
commentators
do,
and
put
on
my
title-page
'Shakespeare.
Edited
by
Willie
Wilkins,'
but
'Shakespeare
As
He
Might
Have
Been,
Had
His
Plays
Been
Written
By
An
Idiot.'"
"I
have
no
doubt
that
you
could
do
great
work
with
'Hamlet,'"
observed
the
Poet.
"I
think
so
myself,"
said
the
Idiot.
"But
I
shall
never
write
'Hamlet.'
I
don't
want
to
have
my
fair
fame
exposed
to
the
merciless
hands
of
the
devastators."
"I
shall
never
cease
to
regret,"
said
Mr.
Pedagog,
after
a
moment's
thought,
"that
you
are
so
timid.
I
should
very
much
like
to
see
'The
Works
of
the
Idiot.'
I
admit
that
my
desire
is
more
or
less
a
morbid
one.
It
is
quite
on
a
plane
with
the
feeling
that
prompts
me
to
wish
to
see
that
unfortunate
man
on
the
Bowery
who
exhibits
his
forehead,
which
is
sixteen
inches
high,
beginning
with
his
eyebrows,
for
a
dime.
The
strange,
the
bizarre
in
nature,
has
always
interested
me.
The
more
unnatural
the
nature,
the
more
I
gloat
upon
it.
From
that
point
of
view
I
do
most
earnestly
hope
that
when
you
are
inspired
with
a
work
you
will
let
me
at
least
see
it."
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