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1
349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
293
Next
day
the
wire
came.
But
it
was
too
late.
The
day
after
that,
I
was
worse,
a
single
ray
of
sunshine
being
the
rediscovery
of
the
second-hand-clothes
family
from
Whitechapel
taking
the
air
together
on
the
front.
This
dreary
party
was
traipsing
along,
the
parents
in
their
furs
giving
an
occasional
glance
at
the
sea
uncomfortably,
as
if
they
only
noticed
it
was
wet,
and
the
children
still
in
black
and
still
wearing
their
scuted
boots,
obviously
a
little
uncomfortable
in
a
place
so
clean
and
windswept.
I
think
they
all
came
to
the
seaside
out
of
decorum
and
for
the
satisfaction
of
feeling
that
they
could
afford
it
like
other
folk,
and
that
old-clothes
was
as
profitable
a
business
as
another.
On
Thursday,
returned
home
as
I
was
afraid
of
being
taken
ill
and
having
to
go
into
the
public
hospital.
Arrived
home
and
went
to
bed
and
here
we
are
till
Jan.
1st
on
3
months'
sick
leave.
However,
the
swingeing
urtication
in
my
hands
and
feet
has
now
almost
entirely
abated
and
to-day
I
went
out
with
E----
and
the
perambulator,
which
I
pushed.
December
13.
A
Baby-Girl
Walked
down
the
bottom
of
the
road
and
hung
over
some
wooden
railings.
A
little
village
baby-girl
aged
not
more
than
3
was
hovering
about
near
me
while
I
gazed
abstractedly
across
the
Park
at
the
trees.
Presently,
she
crawled
through
the
railings
into
the
field
and
picked
up
a
few
dead
leaves--a
baby
picking
up
dead
leaves!
Then
she
threw
them
down,
and
kicked
them.
Then
moved
on
again--rustling
about
intermittently
like
a
winter
Thrush
in
the
shrubbery.
At
last,
she
had
stumbled
around
to
where
I
was
leaning
over
the
railings.
She
stood
immediately
in
front
of
me
and
silently
looked
up
with
a
steady
reproachful
gaze:
"Ain't
you
'shamed,
you
lazy-bones?"
till
I
could
bear
her
inquisitorial
gaze
no
longer,
and
so
went
and
hung
over
some
more
railings
further
on.
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