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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
3
"Well,
you
know
the
popular
superstition,
Mr.
Idiot,"
said
the
Poet.
"The
devil
sends
the
cooks."
"I
don't
believe
it,"
retorted
the
Idiot.
"That's
one
of
those
proverbs
that
haven't
a
particle
of
truth
in
'em--nor
a
foundation
in
reason
either,
like
'Never
look
a
gift
horse
in
the
mouth.'
Of
all
absurd
advice
ever
given
to
man
by
a
thoughtless
thinker,
that,
I
think,
bears
the
palm.
I
know
a
man
who
didn't
look
a
gift
horse
in
the
mouth,
and
the
consequence
was
that
he
accepted
a
horse
that
was
twenty-eight
years
old.
The
beast
died
in
his
stables
three
days
later,
and
the
beneficiary
had
to
pay
five
dollars
to
have
him
carted
away.
As
for
the
devil
sending
the
cooks,
I
haven't
any
faith
in
the
theory.
Any
person
who
had
come
from
the
devil
would
know
how
to
manage
a
fire
better
than
ninety-nine
per
cent.
of
the
cooks
ever
born.
It
would
be
a
good
thing
if
every
one
of
'em
were
forced
to
serve
an
apprenticeship
with
the
Prince
of
Darkness.
However,
steak
like
this
serves
a
good
purpose.
It
serves
to
bind
our
little
circle
more
firmly
together.
There's
nothing
like
mutual
suffering
to
increase
the
sympathy
that
should
exist
between
men
situated
as
we
are;
and
as
for
Mrs.
Smithers-Pedagog,
I
wish
her
to
understand
distinctly
that
I
am
criticising
the
cook
and
not
herself.
If
this
particular
dainty
had
been
prepared
by
her
own
fair
hand,
I
doubt
not
I
should
want
more
of
it."
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