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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
30
"But
now
I
must
stop
chatting
about
myself,
for
I
know
that
you
cannot
be
interested
in
a
simple
old
fogey
such
as
I
am.
Let
me
talk
to
you
about
your
letter
and
about
the
difficult
question
it
raises
for
all
marriageable
young
men.
"In
the
first
place,
let
me
tell
you
how
glad
I
am
that
you
confide
in
your
father.
Whatever
happens,
go
at
once
to
your
father,
put
your
arms
about
his
neck,
and
have
a
good
cry
together.
And
you
are
right,
too,
about
presents.
It
needs
a
wiser
head
than
my
poor
perplexed
boy
to
deal
with
them.
Take
them
to
your
father
to
be
sorted,
or,
if
you
feel
that
you
must
not
overtax
his
love,
address
them
to
me
in
your
own
pretty
hand.
"And
now
let
us
talk,
dear,
as
one
heart
to
another.
Remember
always
that
if
a
girl
is
to
have
your
heart
she
must
be
worthy
of
you.
When
you
look
at
your
own
bright
innocent
face
in
the
mirror,
resolve
that
you
will
give
your
hand
to
no
girl
who
is
not
just
as
innocent
as
you
are
and
no
brighter
than
yourself.
So
that
you
must
first
find
out
how
innocent
she
is.
Ask
her
quietly
and
frankly--remember,
dear,
that
the
days
of
false
modesty
are
passing
away--whether
she
has
ever
been
in
jail.
If
she
has
not
(and
if
YOU
have
not),
then
you
know
that
you
are
dealing
with
a
dear
confiding
girl
who
will
make
you
a
life
mate.
Then
you
must
know,
too,
that
her
mind
is
worthy
of
your
own.
So
many
men
to-day
are
led
astray
by
the
merely
superficial
graces
and
attractions
of
girls
who
in
reality
possess
no
mental
equipment
at
all.
Many
a
man
is
bitterly
disillusioned
after
marriage
when
he
realises
that
his
wife
cannot
solve
a
quadratic
equation,
and
that
he
is
compelled
to
spend
all
his
days
with
a
woman
who
does
not
know
that
X
squared
plus
2XY
plus
Y
squared
is
the
same
thing,
or,
I
think
nearly
the
same
thing,
as
X
plus
Y
squared.
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