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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
30
"Very
well,"
answered
the
Idiot.
"I
shall
put
your
name
down
as
a
subscriber
to
the
Idiot
Monthly
Magazine,
which
some
of
my
friends
contemplate
publishing.
That
is
what
I
mean
when
I
say
I
may
shortly
lose
control
of
myself.
These
friends
of
mine
profess
to
have
been
so
impressed
by
my
dicta
that
they
have
asked
me
if
I
would
allow
myself
to
be
incorporated
into
a
stock
company,
the
object
of
which
should
be
to
transform
my
personality
into
printed
pages.
Hardly
a
day
goes
by
but
I
devote
a
portion
of
my
time
to
a
poem
in
which
the
thought
is
conspicuous
either
by
its
absence
or
its
presence.
My
schemes
for
the
amelioration
of
the
condition
of
the
civilized
are
notorious
among
those
who
know
me;
my
views
on
current
topics
are
eagerly
sought
for;
my
business
instinct,
as
I
have
already
told
you,
is
invaluable
to
my
employer,
and
my
fiction
is
unsurpassed
in
its
fictitiousness.
What
more
is
needed
for
a
magazine?
You
have
the
poetry,
the
philanthropy,
the
man
of
to-day,
the
fictitiousness,
and
the
business
instinct
necessary
for
the
successful
modern
magazine
all
concentrated
in
one
person.
Why
not
publish
that
person,
say
my
friends,
and
I,
feeling
as
I
do
that
no
man
has
a
right
to
the
selfish
enjoyment
of
the
great
gifts
nature
has
bestowed
upon
him,
of
course
can
only
agree.
I
am
to
be
incorporated
with
a
capital
stock
of
five
hundred
thousand
dollars.
One
hundred
thousand
dollars'
worth
of
myself
I
am
to
be
permitted
to
retain;
the
rest
my
friends
will
subscribe
for
at
fifty
cents
on
the
dollar.
If
any
of
you
want
shares
in
the
enterprise
I
have
no
doubt
you
can
be
accommodated."
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