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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
306
The
fact
that
such
images
arise
spontaneously
in
my
mind,
show
how
rotten
to
the
core
I
am.
...
The
advent
of
the
Baby
was
my
coup
de
grâce.
The
little
creature
seems
to
focus
under
one
head
all
my
personal
disasters
and
more
than
once
a
senseless
rage
has
clutched
me
at
the
thought
of
a
baby
in
exchange
for
my
ambition,
a
nursery
for
the
study.
Yet,
on
the
whole,
I
find
it
a
good
and
satisfying
thing
to
see
her,
healthy,
new,
intact
on
the
threshold:
I
grow
tired
of
my
own
dismal
life
just
as
one
does
of
a
suit
of
dirty
clothes.
My
life
and
person
are
patched
and
greasy;
hers
is
new
and
without
a
single
blemish
or
misfortune....
Moreover,
she
makes
her
mother
happy
and
consoles
her
grandmother
too.
January
21.
Death
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
