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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
31
"I'm
obliged
to
you
for
the
opportunity,"
said
the
Doctor.
"But
I
have
to
be
very
careful
about
things
I
take
stock
in,
and
in
general
I
regard
you
as
a
thing
in
which
I
should
prefer
not
to
take
stock."
"And
I,"
observed
Mr.
Pedagog--"I
have
never
up
to
this
time
taken
any
stock
in
you,
and
I
make
it
a
rule
to
be
guided
in
life
by
precedent.
Therefore
I
must
be
counted
out."
"I'll
wait
until
you
are
listed
at
the
Stock
Exchange,"
put
in
the
Bibliomaniac,
"while
thanking
you
just
the
same
for
the
chance."
"You
can
put
me
down
for
one
share,
to
be
paid
for
in
poetry,"
said
the
Poet,
with
a
wink
at
the
Idiot.
"You'll
never
make
good,"
said
the
Idiot,
slyly.
"And
I,"
said
the
Genial
Old
Gentleman
who
occasionally
imbibes,
"shall
be
most
happy
to
take
five
shares
to
be
paid
for
in
advice
and
high-balls.
Moreover,
if
your
company
needs
good-will
to
establish
its
enterprise,
you
may
count
upon
me
for
unlimited
credit."
"Oh,
as
for
that,"
said
the
Idiot,
"I
have
plenty
of
good-will.
Even
Mr.
Pedagog
supplies
me
with
more
of
it
than
I
deserve,
though
by
no
means
with
all
that
I
desire."
"That
good-will
is
yours
as
an
individual,
Mr.
Idiot,"
returned
the
School-master.
"As
a
corporation,
however,
I
cannot
permit
you
to
trade
upon
me
even
for
that.
Your
value
is,
in
my
eyes,
entirely
too
fluctuating."
"And
it
is
in
the
fluctuating
stock
that
the
great
fortunes
are
made,
Mr.
Pedagog,"
said
the
Idiot.
"As
an
individual
I
appreciate
your
good-will.
As
a
corporation
I
am
soulless,
without
emotions,
and
so
cherish
no
disappointments
over
your
refusal.
I
think
if
the
scheme
goes
through
it
will
be
successful,
and
I
fully
expect
to
see
the
day
when
Idiot
Preferred
will
be
selling
as
high,
if
not
higher,
than
Steel,
and
leaving
utterly
behind
any
other
industrial
that
ever
was
known,
copper
or
rope."
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