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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
314
In
the
evening
of
the
same
day,
I
drove
home
from
the
Station
in
a
little
governess-cart,
over
a
snow-clogged
road.
The
cautious
little
pony
picked
out
her
way
so
carefully
in
little
strides--pat-pat-pat--wherever
it
was
slippery,
and
the
Landlord
of
the
Inn
sat
opposite
me
extolling
all
the
clever
little
creature's
merits.
It
was
dusk,
and
for
some
reason
of
the
atmosphere
the
scraps
of
cloud
appeared
as
blue
sky
and
the
blue
sky
as
cloud,
beneath
which
the
full
moon
like
a
great
Chinese
lantern
hung
suspended
so
low
down
it
seemed
to
touch
the
trees
and
hills.
How
have
folk
been
able
to
"carry
on"
in
a
world
so
utterly
strange
as
this
one
during
the
past
few
days!
I
marvel
that
beneath
such
moons
and
suns,
the
peoples
of
the
world
have
not
ceased
for
a
while
from
the
petty
business
of
war
during
at
least
a
few
of
our
dancing
revolutions
around
this
furnace
of
a
star.
One
of
these
days
I
should
not
be
surprised
if
this
fascinated
earth
did
not
fall
into
it
like
a
moth
into
a
candle.
And
where
would
our
Great
War
be
then?
February
28.
The
Strangeness
of
my
Life
Consider
the
War:
and
the
current
adventures
of
millions
of
men
on
land,
sea
and
air;
and
the
incessant
labours
of
millions
of
men
in
factory
and
workshop
and
in
the
field;
think
of
the
hospitals
and
all
they
hold,
of
everyone
hoping,
fearing,
suffering,
waiting--of
the
concentration
of
all
humanity
on
the
one
subject--the
War.
And
then
think
of
me,
poor
little
me,
deserted
and
forgotten,
a
tiny
fragment
sunk
so
deep
and
helplessly
between
the
sheer
granite
walls
of
my
environment
that
scarce
an
echo
reaches
me
of
the
thunder
among
the
mountains
above.
I
read
about
the
War
in
a
ha'penny
paper,
and
see
it
in
the
pictures
of
the
Daily
Mirror.
For
the
rest,
I
live
by
counting
the
joints
on
insects'
legs
and
even
that
much
effort
is
almost
beyond
my
strength.
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