Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
Share image
1
349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
318
(3)
Yet
love
and
misery
drove
him
towards
it.
So
one
day
he
closed
his
eyes
and
offered
himself
up
with
sacrificial
hands....
"Too
late,"
she
said.
"Once
perhaps
...
but
now...."
His
eyes
opened
again,
and
in
a
second
Love
entered
his
Temple
once
more
and
finally
ejected
the
money
changers.
(4)
So
they
married
after
all,
and
he
was
under
the
impression
she
had
made
a
good
match.
He
had
ill-health
perhaps,
yet
who
could
doubt
his
ultimate
fame?
Then
the
War
came,
and
he
had
the
hardihood
to
open
a
sealed
letter
from
his
Doctor
to
the
M.O.
examining
recruits....
Stars
and
staggers!!
So
it
was
she
who
was
the
victim
in
marriage!
That
harassing
question:
Did
she
know?
What
an
ass
he
had
been
all
through,
what
superlative
egoism
and
superlative
conceit!
(5)
Then
a
baby
came.
He
broke
under
the
strain
and
daily
the
symptoms
grew
more
obvious.
Did
she
know?...
The
question
dazed
him.
Well,
she
did
know,
and
had
married
him
for
love,
nevertheless,
against
every
friendly
counsel,
the
Doctor's
included.
(6)
And
now
the
invalid's
gratitude
is
almost
cringeing,
his
admiration
boundless
and
his
love
for
always.
It
is
the
perfect
rapprochement
between
two
souls,
one
that
was
honeycombed
with
self-love
and
lost
in
the
labyrinthine
ways
of
his
own
motives
and
the
other
straight,
direct,
almost
imperious
in
love
and
altogether
adorable.
Finis
March
5.
At
home
ill
again.
Yesterday
was
a
day
of
utter
dreariness.
All
my
nerves
were
frozen,
my
heart
congealed.
I
had
no
love
for
anyone
...
no
emotion
of
any
sort.
It
was
a
catalepsy
of
the
spirit
harder
to
bear
than
fever
or
pain....
To-day,
life
is
once
more
stirring
in
me,
I
am
slowly
awaking
to
the
consciousness
of
acute
but
almost
welcome
misery.
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
