Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
Share image
1
349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
338
Liebestod
A
perfect
autumn
morning--cool,
fine
and
still.
What
sweet
music
a
horse
and
cart
make
trundling
slowly
along
a
country
road
on
a
quiet
morning!
I
listened
to
it
in
a
happy
mood
of
abstraction
as
it
rolled
on
further
and
further
away.
I
put
my
head
out
of
the
window
so
as
to
hear
it
up
to
the
very
last,
until
a
Robin's
notes
relieved
the
nervous
tension
and
helped
me
to
resign
myself
to
my
loss.
The
incident
reminded
me
of
the
Liebestod
in
"Tristan,"
with
the
Robin
taking
the
part
of
the
harp.
For
days
past
my
emotions
have
been
undergoing
kaleidoscopic
changes,
not
only
from
day
to
day
but
from
hour
to
hour.
For
ten
minutes
at
a
time
I
am
happy
or
miserable,
or
revengeful,
venomous,
loving,
generous,
noble,
angry,
or
murderous--you
could
measure
them
with
a
stop-watch.
Hell's
phantoms
course
across
my
chest.
If
I
could
lie
on
this
bed
as
quiet
and
stony
as
an
effigy
on
a
tomb!
But
a
moment
ago
I
had
a
sharp
spasm
at
the
sudden
thought
that
never,
never,
never
again
should
I
walk
thro'
the
path-fields
to
the
uplands.
September
7.
My
28th
birthday.
Dear
old
R----
(the
man
I
love
above
all
others)
has
been
in
a
military
hospital
for
months.
It
is
a
great
hardship
to
have
our
intercourse
almost
completely
cut
off.
Dear
old
Journal,
I
love
you!
Good-bye.
September
29.
I
could
never
have
believed
so
great
misery
compatible
with
sanity.
Yet
I
am
quite
sane.
How
long
I
or
any
man
can
remain
sane
in
this
condition
God
knows....
It
is
a
consummate
vengeance
this
inability
to
write.[4]
I
cannot
help
but
smile
grimly
at
the
astuteness
of
the
thrust.
To
be
sure,
how
cunning
to
deprive
me
of
my
one
secret
consolation!
How
amusing
that
in
this
agony
of
isolation
such
an
aggressive
egotist
as
I
should
have
his
last
means
of
self-expression
cut
off.
I
am
being
slowly
stifled.
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
