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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
35
Of
course,
this
treatment
in
and
of
itself
would
appear
too
transparent,
and
would
fail
to
inspire
the
patient
with
a
proper
confidence.
But
nowadays
this
element
is
supplied
by
the
work
of
the
analytical
laboratory.
Whatever
is
wrong
with
the
patient,
the
doctor
insists
on
snipping
off
parts
and
pieces
and
extracts
of
him
and
sending
them
mysteriously
away
to
be
analysed.
He
cuts
off
a
lock
of
the
patient's
hair,
marks
it,
"Mr.
Smith's
Hair,
October,
1910."
Then
he
clips
off
the
lower
part
of
the
ear,
and
wraps
it
in
paper,
and
labels
it,
"Part
of
Mr.
Smith's
Ear,
October,
1910."
Then
he
looks
the
patient
up
and
down,
with
the
scissors
in
his
hand,
and
if
he
sees
any
likely
part
of
him
he
clips
it
off
and
wraps
it
up.
Now
this,
oddly
enough,
is
the
very
thing
that
fills
the
patient
up
with
that
sense
of
personal
importance
which
is
worth
paying
for.
"Yes,"
says
the
bandaged
patient,
later
in
the
day
to
a
group
of
friends
much
impressed,
"the
doctor
thinks
there
may
be
a
slight
anaesthesia
of
the
prognosis,
but
he's
sent
my
ear
to
New
York
and
my
appendix
to
Baltimore
and
a
lock
of
my
hair
to
the
editors
of
all
the
medical
journals,
and
meantime
I
am
to
keep
very
quiet
and
not
exert
myself
beyond
drinking
a
hot
Scotch
with
lemon
and
nutmeg
every
half-hour."
With
that
he
sinks
back
faintly
on
his
cushions,
luxuriously
happy.
And
yet,
isn't
it
funny?
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