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Literary Lapses
·
Stephen Leacock
37
At
this
moment
there
was
an
agonized
cry
from
the
mother.
"Oh,
Henry,
quick!
Baby
has
snatched
the
pill!"
It
was
too
true.
Dear
little
Gustavus
Adolphus,
the
golden-haired
baby
boy,
had
grabbed
the
whole
Christmas
dinner
off
the
poker
chip
and
bolted
it.
Three
hundred
and
fifty
pounds
of
concentrated
nourishment
passed
down
the
oesophagus
of
the
unthinking
child.
"Clap
him
on
the
back!"
cried
the
distracted
mother.
"Give
him
water!"
The
idea
was
fatal.
The
water
striking
the
pill
caused
it
to
expand.
There
was
a
dull
rumbling
sound
and
then,
with
an
awful
bang,
Gustavus
Adolphus
exploded
into
fragments!
And
when
they
gathered
the
little
corpse
together,
the
baby
lips
were
parted
in
a
lingering
smile
that
could
only
be
worn
by
a
child
who
had
eaten
thirteen
Christmas
dinners.
A
New
Pathology
It
has
long
been
vaguely
understood
that
the
condition
of
a
man's
clothes
has
a
certain
effect
upon
the
health
of
both
body
and
mind.
The
well-known
proverb,
"Clothes
make
the
man"
has
its
origin
in
a
general
recognition
of
the
powerful
influence
of
the
habiliments
in
their
reaction
upon
the
wearer.
The
same
truth
may
be
observed
in
the
facts
of
everyday
life.
On
the
one
hand
we
remark
the
bold
carriage
and
mental
vigour
of
a
man
attired
in
a
new
suit
of
clothes;
on
the
other
hand
we
note
the
melancholy
features
of
him
who
is
conscious
of
a
posterior
patch,
or
the
haunted
face
of
one
suffering
from
internal
loss
of
buttons.
But
while
common
observation
thus
gives
us
a
certain
familiarity
with
a
few
leading
facts
regarding
the
ailments
and
influence
of
clothes,
no
attempt
has
as
yet
been
made
to
reduce
our
knowledge
to
a
systematic
form.
At
the
same
time
the
writer
feels
that
a
valuable
addition
might
be
made
to
the
science
of
medicine
in
this
direction.
The
numerous
diseases
which
are
caused
by
this
fatal
influence
should
receive
a
scientific
analysis,
and
their
treatment
be
included
among
the
principles
of
the
healing
art.
The
diseases
of
the
clothes
may
roughly
be
divided
into
medical
cases
and
surgical
cases,
while
these
again
fall
into
classes
according
to
the
particular
garment
through
which
the
sufferer
is
attacked.
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