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349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
37
Perhaps
after
all
it
is
a
narrow
life--this
diving
and
delving
among
charming
little
secrets,
plying
diligently
scalpel
and
microscope
and
then
weaving
the
facts
obtained
into
theoretic
finespun.
It
is
all
vastly
entertaining
to
the
naturalist
but
it
leaves
the
world
unmoved.
I
sometimes
envy
the
zealot
with
a
definite
mission
in
life.
Life
without
one
seems
void.
The
monotonous
pursuit
of
our
daily
vocations--the
soldier,
sailor,
candlestick-maker--so
they
go
on,
never
living
but
only
working,
never
thinking
but
only
hypnotising
themselves
by
the
routine
and
punctuality
of
their
lives
into
just
so
many
mechanical
toys
warranted
to
go
for
so
long
and
then
stop
when
Death
takes
them....
It
amazes
me
that
men
must
spend
their
precious
days
of
existence
for
the
most
part
in
slaving
for
food
and
clothing
and
the
bare
necessaries
of
existence.
To
sum
up
my
despondency,
what's
the
good
of
such
a
life?
Where
does
it
lead?
Where
am
I
going?
Why
should
I
work?
What
means
this
procession
of
nights
and
days
wherein
we
are
all
seen
moving
along
intent
and
stern
as
if
we
had
some
purpose
or
a
goal?...
Of
course
to
the
man
who
believes
in
the
next
world
and
a
personal
God,
it
is
quite
another
matter.
The
Christian
is
the
Egoist
par
excellence.
He
does
not
mind
annihilation
by
arduous
labour
in
this
world
if
in
the
next
he
shall
have
won
eternal
life....
He
is
reckless
of
to-day,
extravagant
in
the
expenditure
of
his
life.
This
intolerable
fellow
will
be
cheerful
in
a
dungeon.
For
he
flatters
himself
that
God
Almighty
up
in
Heaven
is
all
the
time
watching
through
the
keyhole
and
marking
him
down
for
eternal
life.
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