Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
1
349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
38
October
26.
The
nose-snuffling,
cynical
man
who
studies
La
Rochefoucauld,
and
prides
himself
on
a
knowledge
of
human
motives,
is
pleased
to
point
out
that
every
action
and
every
motive
is
selfish,
from
the
philanthropist
who
advertises
himself
by
his
charities
to
the
fanatic
who
lays
down
his
life
for
a
cause.
Even
secret
charities,
for
they
give
pleasure
to
the
doer.
So
your
cynic
thinks
he
has
thus,
with
one
stroke
of
his
psychological
scalpel,
laid
human
nature
bare
in
all
its
depravities.
All
he
has
done
really
is
to
reclassify
motives--instead
of
grouping
them
as
selfish
and
unselfish
(which
is
more
convenient)
he
lumps
them
together
as
selfish,
a
method
by
which
even
he
is
forced
to
recognise
different
grades
of
selfishness.
For
example,
the
selfishness
of
a
wife-beater
is
lower
than
the
selfishness
of
a
man
who
gives
up
his
life
for
another.
October
28.
The
result
arrived.
As
I
thought,
I
have
failed,
being
fourth
with
only
three
vacancies.
November
7.
It
is
useless
to
bewail
the
course
of
fortune.
It
cannot
be
much
credit
to
possess--though
we
may
covet--those
precious
things,
to
possess
which
depends
on
circumstances
outside
our
control.
November
9.
Dined
at
the
Devonshire
Club
in
St.
James's
Street,
W.,
with
Dr.
H----and
Mr.
----,
the
latter
showing
the
grave
symptomatic
phenomena
of
a
monocle
and
spats.
A
dinner
of
eight
courses.
Only
made
one
mistake
--put
my
salad
on
my
dish
instead
of
on
the
side
dish.
Horribly
nervous
and
reticent.
I
was
apparently
expected
to
give
an
account
of
myself
and
my
abilities--and
with
that
end
in
view,
they
gave
me
a
few
pokes
in
my
cranial
ribs.
But
I
am
a
peculiar
animal,
and,
before
unbosoming
myself,
I
would
require
a
happier
mise-en-scène
than
a
West
End
Club,
and
a
more
tactful
method
of
approach
than
ogling
by
two
professors,
who
seemed
to
think
I
was
a
simple
penny-in-the-slot
machine.
I
froze
from
sheer
nervousness
and
nothing
resulted.
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
