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96
The Inventions of the Idiot
·
John Kendrick Bangs
39
"I
don't
condemn
a
system
which
sets
out
to
improve
minds
irrespective
of
conditions,"
replied
the
Idiot.
"But
I
should
most
assuredly
condemn
a
man,
or
a
set
of
men,
who
induced
me
to
subscribe
to
a
bread
fund
for
the
poor
and
who
afterwards
expended
that
money
on
cream-cakes
for
the
Czar
of
Russia.
The
fact
that
the
Czar
of
Russia
wanted
the
cream-cakes
and
was
willing
to
accept
them
would
not
affect
my
feelings
in
the
matter,
though
I
have
no
doubt
the
people
in
charge
of
the
fund
would
find
themselves
far
more
conspicuous
for
having
departed
from
the
original
idea.
Some
of
them
might
be
knighted
for
it
if
the
Czar
happened
to
be
passionately
fond
of
cream-cakes."
"Then,
having
attacked
this
system,
what
would
you
have?
Would
you
have
University
Extension
stop?"
asked
the
Bibliomaniac.
"Not
at
all,"
returned
the
Idiot.
"Anything
which
can
educate
society
is
a
good
thing,
but
I
should
change
the
name
of
it
from
University
Extension
to
Social
Expansion,
and
I
should
compel
those
whose
minds
were
broadened
by
it
to
pay
the
bills."
"But
as
yet
you
have
failed
to
hit
the
nail
on
the
head,"
persisted
the
Bibliomaniac.
"The
masses
can
attend
these
lectures
if
they
wish
to,
and
on
your
own
statement
they
don't.
You
don't
seem
to
consider
that
point,
or,
if
you
do,
you
don't
meet
it."
"I
don't
think
it
necessary
to
meet
it,"
said
the
Idiot.
"Though
I
will
say
that
if
you
were
one
of
the
masses--a
girl,
say,
with
one
dress,
threadbare,
poor,
and
ill-fitting,
and
possessed
of
a
natural
bit
of
pride--you
would
find
little
pleasure
in
attending
a
lecture
your
previous
education
does
not
permit
of
your
comprehending,
and
sitting
through
an
evening
with
a
lot
of
finely
dressed,
smart
folk,
with
their
backs
turned
towards
you.
The
plebeians
have
some
pride,
my
dear
Bibliomaniac,
and
they
are
decidedly
averse
to
mixing
with
the
swells.
They
would
like
to
be
educated,
but
they
don't
care
to
be
snubbed
for
the
privilege
of
being
mystified
by
a
man
like
Professor
Peterkin,
even
for
so
small
a
sum
as
ten
cents
an
evening."
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