Lab
Library
Journal
Shop
Sign in
to keep
1
349
The Journal of a Disappointed Man
·
W. N. P. Barbellion
39
November
11.
Returned
home
and
found
a
letter
awaiting
me
from
Dr.
A----
offering
me
£60
a
year
for
a
temporary
job
as
assistant
at
the
Plymouth
Marine
Laboratory.
Left
London
horribly
depressed.
They
evidently
intend
to
shuffle
me
off.
Read
Geo.
Gissing's
novel,
Born
in
Exile.
Godwin
Peak,
with
his
intense
pride
of
individuality,
self-torturing
capacities,
and
sentimental
languishment,
reminds
me
of
myself.
November
20.
A
purulent
cold
in
the
nose.
My
heart
is
weak.
Palpitation
after
the
least
exertion.
But
I
shall
soon
be
swinging
my
cudgels
in
the
battle
of
life,
so
it
won't
do
to
be
hypochondriacal....
Let
all
the
powers
of
the
world
and
the
Devil
attack
me,
yet
I
will
win
in
the
end--though
the
conquest
may
very
well
be
one
which
no
one
but
myself
will
view.
Have
accepted
the
Plymouth
appointment.
November
30.
Struggling
in
the
depths
again
within
the
past
few
days
with
heart
attacks.
Am
slowly
getting
better
of
them
and
trying
to
forget
as
soon
as
may
be
visions
of
sudden
death,
coffins,
and
obituary
notices.
December
2.
Death
At
first,
when
we
are
very
young,
Death
arouses
our
curiosity,
as
it
did
Cain
in
the
beginning.[2]
It
is
a
strange
and
very
rare
phenomenon
which
we
cannot
comprehend,
and
every
time
we
hear
of
some
one's
death,
we
try
to
recall
that
person's
appearance
in
life
and
are
disappointed
if
we
can't.
The
endeavour
is
to
discover
what
it
is,
this
Death,
to
compare
two
things,
the
idea
of
the
person
alive
and
the
idea
of
him
dead.
At
last
some
one
we
know
well
dies--and
that
is
the
first
shock....
I
shall
never
forget
when
our
Matron
died
at
the
D----
School....
As
the
years
roll
on,
we
get
used
to
the
man
with
the
scythe
and
an
acquaintance's
death
is
only
a
bit
of
gossip.
Marker
Marker
Fine marker
White-out
Fine white-out
Circle
Paint
Unmarker
Hand
Scalpel
Dice
Sieve
Purify
Undo
Redo
Start over
